There are many men that I have really enjoyed spending time with over the years. Sometimes it can be fun just to have a male companion hang out with you for the night and stay over, even when nothing promiscuous occurs. Once you have been dating a guy for a little while, you start to wonder if maybe they are the one for you. Especially when you get in your late twenties, you find yourself not looking for a ‘boyfriend’, but instead a potential future husband.
One of the best ways that I have found to discover how much you really like a guy is to have a sleep over. And as mentioned before, this doesn’t mean you need to sleep WITH him in a sexual way, but just sharing a bed and falling asleep. Especially if you spend most nights alone like me, you become very accustomed to having the bed all to yourself. It is certainly an adjustment having someone laying in the place your cat normally occupies.
While you are sleeping…
The guy will likely think that having his arm around you is exactly what you want. There he is…laying in bed…wearing boxers or sleep pants…and you approach the bed and he stretches his arm across the space where your neck would go. OH he’s cute… but all I can think about is the horrible neck pains I will be experiencing for the next week because of his poor choice in arm placement. I actually have told men to move it. There is no perfect way to sleep with your stupid arm under my neck, I will spend the whole night laying awake trying to find ways to make it work, but I will end up resenting you and your stupid arm because there is NO PERFECT WAY TO DO IT.
Alternatives… ahhh the good old spooning method. I don’t hate the spooning method as much as the neck brace, but it still is flawed. When in the spooning position there are a few things that definitely do not optimize comfort. First, his mouth and nose are directly by your ear. Perhaps some women find the breathing on their ear comforting, however I find it comparable to trying to sleep during a tornado. As he works his way through his REM cycles, the breathing will convert from a light gentle breeze to strong, traitorous winds… and then the snoring happens… Meanwhile while suffering through a windstorm upstream, as you go down the spoon there are other areas of discomfort. My arm. WHERE THE HELL DOES IT GO? Am I expected to just lay on top of it? Well of course… so here I am laying on my arm… if it doesn’t dislocate itself during my sleep I know that at the very least it will be asleep to the point of no return come morning. FEET — if you find yourself in the spooning position, I sure hope that your man knows how to take care of his feet and toe nails. I have actually woken up with cuts on my ankles and feet from them getting sliced all night with poorly maintained feet. If you survive the potential Freddy Krueger style hack job that could happen over night from his bad toe nails, there is still the issue of your knees. Unless you try to work a pillow in there, your knees will be locked together while sweat hides under them throughout the evening. You will likely wake up walking weird, and not the kind of weird you can be proud of.
I don’t completely hate the spoon. It has it’s benefits, and if you’re creative, you can make this position work for you.
Personally I am not much of a cuddler. I think that just sharing a bed with someone is comfort enough. Contrary to pop culture beliefs, NO I do not need you to hold me all through the night.
The Morning After…
If you have survived the evening then eventually you will wake up and this person will be there. THIS RIGHT HERE, I don’t care about the spoon, the arm, the neck, NONE OF IT! This right here is the most important time to really find out how you feel about this person! You guys wake up… eye contact is made… sleepy eyes… can you kiss him? Do you want to kiss him? Morning breath is something everyone has, some worse than others. If I really like a guy, I can kiss him with any breath, because I just want to kiss him. I have had mornings where I can’t even stand the thought of kissing the guy i’m with, it actually makes me nauseated.
Now they want to do the early morning cuddle, talk, laugh, yada yada yada. Do you find yourself wanting to stay in bed and do this? Or are you sitting there wondering when he’s going to leave because you would rather be alone in the morning than with him? That right there is a huge thing to me. If I find myself hoping you will stay and at least spend the morning with me, then I know I really do care about you. I know then, that you are someone special to me. If I want you gone, and even find myself making up stuff to try to get you out the door? Then I likely won’t try this again.
You might think i’m crazy that I can honestly tell if I want to be with someone based on how I feel when I wake up in the morning? No matter how many good times you have spent together, all it takes is one morning? Yes. That’s why when you find yourself faced with major life decisions people always tell you to SLEEP ON IT. Because when you wake up in the morning your mind is the clearest, and that is when you make the best decisions. Don’t believe me? Think about how many diets you started and did so well in the morning and had such a healthy breakfast, only to ruin it with greasy cheeseburgers later that night? You don’t even have to have sex with him to know… just sleep on it with him next to you… you would be amazed at how much you’ll learn about how you really feel.
Thanks for reading everyone! Sorry I missed yesterday! I am trying to keep it up with the daily blogs! Please follow/comment/like so I know you’re out there!!!
Happy Soul Searching! xoxo