POF Observations & Online BULLIES

Greetings! It has officially been one day since I have been a member on Plenty of Fish. It has certainly been an interesting past twenty-four hours and I have made a few observations that I wanted to share with all of you!

*I will note, that I have ONLY been using the MOBILE APP, it is possible the experience is different when on a computer or other device.

FIRST…

WOW! There really are PLENTY of fish out there. I have viewed many different men that I have NEVER seen before on other online dating sites. I put in my normal search preferences and the list just kept going on and on. Normally on okcupid I could make my way to the end of the list, but POF  seemed endless. I don’t know whether they have just marketed themselves better, or what the case is, but there are definitely a lot more people on there.

SECOND…

I do have a small frustration with POF. When someone sends you a message, it does not tell you their location. On okcupid, you had a large display of their picture, along with their user name, age, and location. In POF you only see a thumbnail of their picture, user name, age, and interests. Location is a very important variable to me when looking for someone, and it bothers me that I have to go and view the profile in order to see where they are from. I had some messages from the other side of the country, and I would’ve preferred to be able to know that before wasting the click.

THIRD…

I will commend POF on their messaging capabilities. In okcupid you can only respond to your messages in text. POF allows you to send voice messages and also photos. However it can only be a photo you have uploaded to the site. However, I think that it makes it a little more interesting to message, and I like having these options available. Out of over 300 messages, I only had one voice message, but I thought it was really nice and definitely made that guy stand out of the crowd.

FOURTH…

The interface is not as user friendly as okcupid, it is very busy and can be overwhelming to navigate through. Although I will say that it does make more sense than the Tinder interface. I was so lost on there when I first started…


The message content was very similar to okcupid though. However I did get a message from a self proclaimed tic-tac-toe champion, a man that offered me $10,000 to model underwear, a few DTF’s, and a few people that I know in real life that recognized me and said hello. That brings me back to the topic of ‘being ashamed of using online dating’. Due to the high user count, I definitely think you are more likely to run into people you know. So if you are afraid of that, I would recommend avoiding this site. Unless you want to parade around with no picture, but you will be less likely to receive messages if you go that route.

I also just want to make a little PSA for both the men and women readers. This has happened to me a few times, on all sites, and I just want to give my ‘two bits’ on the subject.

The SCOOP:
A man will message you expressing interest, and you don’t message him back. Later he will message you again and try to insult you in someway or another. Out of the 300+ messages I received, this only happened once. But it definitely stuck in my head a little bit, and it’s amazing how you can receive so many kind words, but the one not-so-kind word is the one you remember the most.

You have to keep in mind that on the internet, people will say things to you that aren’t always kind. They will say whatever they want because they feel safety hiding behind their phone, tablet, laptop, desktop, WHATEVER they are using. It is because of people like this, that so many people get discouraged from putting themselves out there. I knew the day I started online dating, and the day I started this blog, that I would have to face internet bullies eventually. I am proud of myself because I can ignore them now, and move on. I am happy that I don’t let them stop me, or make me think twice about who I am and what I am doing. Although it still stings a little bit…I don’t let it get to me any deeper than that.

That’s why these apps have a BLOCK feature. So you can avoid unwanted contact with these assholes. However that BLOCK feature only works on your account, and not in your mind. If anyone has ever fallen victim to online bullying I plead with you to stay strong and create a mental BLOCK feature. BITE YOUR TONGUE and don’t fight back, mumble the words ASSHOLE under your breath and click BLOCK. That’s what I did.

I know I am a very strong person, and my self confidence is protected with a mental fortress and the only person that could tear that fortress down is ME. Some of you may not be there yet…whether you’re a man, woman, 20-something, 30-something, 40-something, THE LIST GOES ON! We will all likely fall victim to online bullying at some point, and I promise you that you’re not alone, and I urge you to stay strong.

The way I look at it…299 more eligible bachelors (although i’m skeptic on the underwear guy)…all that bully did was save me the time of having to find out on my own that he wasn’t right for me.

Thank you for reading and happy soul searching! xoxo

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