What a total BUZZKILL.

I really hope the men of the world are completely blind to the moments where they create a major buzzkill in a woman’s life. A buzzkill being defined as an act that takes away the excitement and joy over something. There are a lot of times where men have been a major buzzkill in my life, and some of these instances I blame for deterring me from exploring new possibilities. Is it a permanent deterring? No. But it definitely makes me think twice before putting myself in that situation again.

The Promise of a Date…

I understand that things come up, and plans sometimes have to be cancelled… However timing is key here. When a woman knows she has plans with a new man, she tends to spend a lot of extra time in preparation. Let’s pretend that I have invited you over to hang out at my place…

In preparation for our evening I likely will:

1) CLEAN THE WHOLE FRIGGING PLACE
2) Wash my sheets (just in case)
3) SHAVE EVERYTHING, even those pesky little knee hairs that can be hard to get…
4) Buy his favorite snacks/drinks
5) Spend the entire day anticipating the evening with an exhausting extra pep in my step.

Everything has to be perfect, because I am trying to impress you… and then an hour before our date I get the buzzkill text or phone call. If it is a legitimate excuse, it definitely softens the blow when it is short notice… however aside from death/major illness/car problems and other similar reasons…I am going to be crushed. I will spend my night drinking my wine while telling my cat that he is the only man I need… while also dreading when my friends ask me how my date went…

You Just Left After a Great Date…

Nothing is better than that feeling of excitement at the close of a great date. If the date ends with a kiss…a woman ends up replaying that magical kiss over and over in her head until she remembers to look at her phone. Then it starts… the once overwhelming excitement is soon replaced by anticipation laced with anxiety… What is he thinking? Did he enjoy this as much as I did? When will he text? Should I text him? Did he say he would text? Maybe I am supposed to text? What if he dropped his phone in the toilet? What if he got in a car wreck on his way home? … you question your own sanity until you fall asleep clutching your phone… then you wake only to find that you never received a text from him… You are now stripped of all the excitement of the night before and are left feeling more hateful and agitated than you ever imagined you could feel…

That is one of the really shitty parts about dating. No matter HOW MUCH fun you might have, and no matter HOW MUCH you might really like the person, it is always possible that they just did not enjoy you. I think this is probably one of the biggest dating buzzkills known to man… maybe…

After You Sleep with Them…

Dating has been going great and you are really feeling a connection with this person…so what is the next step? That magical evening when you decide ¬†you will no longer keep your legs glued together as if there is some industrial strength velcro attached to each of your thighs and if you pull them apart that means a nuclear missile will be launched that will kill some small, innocent town somewhere…Extreme? That IS how it feels when you are in the withholding sex stage of a relationship. Even though you REALLY want to do it, due to moral reasons or self respect…etc YOU wait and wait and WAIT. There is an age old phrase…why would he buy the cow if he can get the ice cream for free? You hope and you pray that sex is NOT the magical thread keeping him tied to you, but you will never know until you pull that thread and do it.

Some men are more patient than others and can play along for a really long time in order to get what they want. I am NOT saying that all men just want SEX. But unfortunately there are a LOT out there that are just looking to jump from one sexual conquest to the next. This is why it can be quite scary for a woman when she decides to finally concede and bump uglies.

Then it starts…will it be the same? Will our once joyful excursions and conversations continue on as though the night before never happened? Or will he become distant…and eventually non-existent in your life. It is the buzzkill to end all buzzkills when you lose what you thought was a great guy after having sex with him. Some men look at the world of women as one giant war, and each individual woman is a battle within that war. Once they have sex with you the battle is won and the war goes on…onto the next battle.

The ‘Become Official’ Discussion

When you’re dating a guy for awhile, you start to wonder when he will ask you to make this more official. Sometimes you’re official with a guy and you don’t even know it. I had a guy once that I was dating casually for a month and finally I caved and asked him ‘Are you ever going to ask me to be official?’ and his response was ‘I thought we already were?’ So eventually you might find yourself having a similar conversation. After about a month of steady dating, I think that the ‘official’ conversation is definitely due at that point. After a month you know if you want to continue seeing this person, or not. Here are the major buzzkills that can come from this conversation…

  • I’m not ready for a relationship.
    • ¬†Really? Aside from a title, and the official rights to your balls, how is this any different than what we have been doing? This makes me think that you are enjoying hanging with me, but you want to keep your options open…just in case.
  • It is too soon…
    • If you are car shopping, and find a car you like…You don’t just go visit the dealership and drive the car around when you feel like it. You BUY the car so you have exclusive rights to the car so NO ONE ELSE CAN DRIVE IT and YOU CAN DRIVE IT WHENEVER YOU WANT. After a month…you either buy the car, or you give someone else a chance to buy it…ASSHOLE.
  • I’ve been hurt a lot in the past…
    • So? Who HASN’T? If you fall off the horse you get back on it! How dare you allow another person to start caring about you, if you aren’t actually emotionally available?? By saying this, you are also insinuating that you think I might hurt you. If you keep giving me all these bitch excuses, don’t worry…I will hurt you…a swift kick to the balls should do the trick.
  • I don’t have time for a relationship…
    • Such a bullshit excuse! Dating and being in a relationship are NOT very different. What they are saying is they don’t want to feel like they HAVE to do anything for you, they want it to be optional.

Failure in this discussion doesn’t just end there… How many times have you been actively trying to be in a relationship with someone and they deflect all of your attempts? Then you find yourself constantly correcting friends and family on a daily basis as they refer to this person as your ‘boyfriend’…men ask you on dates and although you’re ‘technically single’ you still feel like you need to be faithful to this person until they’re ‘ready’ to commit…You don’t want to screw anything up so you start finding yourself being overly cautious about everything…


Dating can be a BLAST, but there are definitely moments along the way that can really sting…I know that men experience this just as much as women…but this is from a ‘girl’s perspective’. I promise i’m not an evil man-hater. I love men…except when they are being stupid…

The point of this post is…there are a lot of times when you find yourself climbing the mountain of excitement and you end up in a land of vulnerability. You’re on a steady adrenaline rush from the climb, but it is very easy to lose yourself up here and come crashing down. Some people just choose to stay in the valleys surrounding the mountain, and settle with other fallen souls. You might not be alone, but you’ll never find that excitement that awaits at the top of the mountain. BUZZKILLS SUCK! But don’t let them keep you from trying again and again. It is when you will least expect it, that someone wonderful is going to finally not let you fall (in the bad way), and instead lift you up.

Thank you for reading! When have you experienced a major buzzkill in the crazy dating world? I would love to hear about it! Please follow my blog and like/comment on this post if you enjoyed it! It helps me know who is out there reading so I can make sure to bring more posts that you will enjoy!

Happy Soul Searching! xoxo

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