Worst Things You Can Say in a Message…

I know I spend a lot of time detailing some of the most horrific message fails in the online dating world. But there are some messages that appear harmless on the surface, yet very often will result in no response from a girl. So for this Friday night, I bring you…the WORST THINGS YOU CAN SAY IN A MESSAGE….!! ***scary music playing with a clap of thunder***

Detailed Biography…

I am not saying that a lengthy message is necessarily a bad thing to send, but the content is extremely important. If you’re planning on sending a message that is more than a few sentences, make sure your content is actually interesting. As an example, here is a detailed biography message I received:

“Hello Jenn. My name is Eric. I am 25 years old and I live in Dayton. I like sports and my family. I am an accountant. I like the bengals. I love to workout…………..(message continues with very similar sentences for quite some time…)…If you want to hang out I promise I will show you a good time! Message me if you’re interested!”

Well…Eric…although I definitely see some things that we might have in common…I also am bored to tears. The genericness of the biography is what kills it. In addition, you don’t need to state your name, age, and location in your opening message. This information is already there… Try to show me that you read my profile, talk about the interests that we have in common, and tell me why. A message with that amount of thought put into it is going to mean more to me, and i’m more likely to respond to it.


If you want to try to message a girl with something that is simple and sweet, you need to make sure that it is grammatically correct. One of the most common messages I receive is along the lines of “You’re Beautiful” “You’re Gorgeous” “You’re sexy” … Only they don’t look that enticing because they normally look more like this… “Your beutiful” “Your gorgous” “Your sexy” … I am not a complete grammar nazi, but I feel like if you’re sending me a message, you would want it to be perfect. So when I see things like that, I picture you sending off a thousand incorrect “Your beutiful” to all the women on the site. It definitely makes me feel a little less ‘beutiful’…

Asking me questions I already answered…

Nothing is more frustrating than receiving a message asking questions that are clearly answered in my profile. I am shocked at the number of times I get “What’s your name?” … my username is wishfuljenn … really? And on POF they have a little spot where you put your first name on your profile… So when I get a message asking me what my name is, I am wondering if this person also needs to be reminded to breath?!

I know that my profile can be daunting to some, but at the very least look it over and make sure that I haven’t already answered the question that you’re about to send me. You will find that more girls will message you back if you SHOW THEM you took the time to LEARN about them!


Any message with any type of profanity, or of a sexual nature should be avoided at all times. When you message a girl and talk about her sexually, clearly you’re showing her that you’re only interested in one thing (even if that is not your intention). If a girls profile is all about how much she just wants to settle down, then chances are she isn’t going to be interested in someone who clearly only wants to stick it to her!

I mention profanity a lot, and based on my blog posts you might wonder why the hell I care about profanity? I curse like a sailor, but if I was trying to meet the love of my life, I certainly wouldn’t start it off with a few bombs. I just think it is common courtesy and respect to at least wait and see where her comfort level is with language like that, before you start using it.

Don’t Be Shy…

I HATE THIS MESSAGE SO F*CKING MUCH! I swear I think this is the WORST message you can EVER send to a girl…or at least to me. When I get a message that either includes or completely consists of these three words … “Don’t be shy…” I swear my stomach hurts. When I hear those words, I imagine some creepy old man standing next to a beat up van, mouthing these words while curling his finger begging me to get in…

This is the kind of phrase that I hear from roofers, guys driving by while i’m walking, guys driving by while i’m unloading groceries, guys driving by at ANY F*CKING TIME. I HATE THIS PHRASE. PLEASEEEEEE DO NOT USE THIS PHRASE. If you use this phrase I can guarantee you will NEVER hear from me. This phrase sucks balls. I would rather you tell me you want to slather my body in chocolate syrup and throw a bunch of sprinkles on me, than to hear this stupid phrase. You’ve been warned…

In Conclusion…

At the end of the day, I can’t tell you the perfect message to send to get a response. I can only tell you about the kind of messages that I don’t like, and the kind that I do like. Just because I hate some of these things, doesn’t mean every girl also hates them. If you find yourself sending messages like this, and you’re not getting many responses (or any), it might be a good idea to try to change it up a little bit. The most important thing is just to READ and LEARN about the girl before you send the message. You can probably tell from her profile whether or not she would appreciate any of the messages I listed above. Like I said, this is just me, but there might be a lot of other girls out there who think very similar to me. If you find yourself out of luck, CHANGE IT UP.

Thank you so much for reading! I promise to have another new post up by tomorrow! In the meantime please feel free to check out some of my older posts. Here are links to some of the popular oldies:

The Morning After

Awkward Moments for the Eternally Single

Reasons Why Cats are Better than Boyfriends (with pictures)

If you enjoy what you see please FOLLOW MY BLOG! Then you will always know when a new post is up! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid and I post alerts on there. You can also use the SHARE buttons at the bottom of the post and share my blog with your family and friends! OH and  I have some questions for you as well:

1) What would you like to see in the future of how2cupid?
2) Any requests for upcoming posts?
3) What are you going to be for Halloween?
4) What kind of message on an online dating website do YOU hate?

Can’t wait to read your responses! Please comment below!

Thank you & Happy Soul Searching!


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