I have been perusing the messages and eligible bachelors of okcupid, POF, and Tinder over the course of the past few months. As I have previously mentioned, this summer I went on over thirty FIRST dates from the online dating world. I emphasize the word FIRST because that is all that ever came of these dates. After spending time messaging back and forth with these individuals, I eventually agreed to go on a date, and then the date ended and so did our communication. A week and a half ago, I finally broke my first date curse and found a man that I definitely wanted to see for a second time. Why did this guy make it to round two, when over thirty other men didn’t, and hundreds didn’t even get the chance to try? Well…let me break it down for you…
I spend a lot of time criticizing and offering up suggestions for improvements on online dating profiles. The point of having a great profile is to successfully get to that first date. This is your sales pitch (contrary to match.com’s commercial claims). This is your chance to catch the eye, and then the mind of an individual that could possibly be a match for you. If you don’t have a profile that can grab the attention of viewers, then you’re going to find yourself having a hard time landing dates.
I have mentioned repeatedly the importance of honesty when you’re making your profile. This is a sales pitch, but you don’t want to give false advertising just to get a date. The reason why, is because when this girl meets you for the first time, you can’t hide behind your profile and lies anymore. You don’t want a girl’s first impression of you to be filled with disappointment. It is hard enough trying to imagine a person that you’ve never met, based on pictures and descriptions alone. Obviously when we start to imagine you, we imagine you in the most ideal of form. When I say FORM I don’t mean chiseled abs and defined arms, I mean FORM as in the model of yourself that you’ve described.
The number one reason why all of my FIRST dates never grew into anything more than that, is because of false advertising. It is because I couldn’t get over things that people lied about in order to catch my eye. I have spelled all of these out before…the short TALL guy, the quiet OUTGOING guy, the HEAVY fit guy… Could I get over some of these infractions? Yeah I probably could, but being lied to hurts so it makes it kind of hard to do that.
I like to think about online dating as something very similar to job hunting. You look through all the listings and try to find ones that you feel you would be interested in doing, or qualified to do (scanning dating profiles). After you make your choices, you reach out to the company and apply for the job and submit you resume (message girls). If the company sees your resume and thinks that you would be a good fit for the job, then they will call you in for an interview (girl messages you back). Then you go in for the interview and tell them why you would make a good fit for the company (messaging back and forth with girl). If the company decides that they want to extend an offer, then you have a job (congrats you got a date).
HERE is the part where if you LIED in your resume or in your interview, the company is going to find out. If you claim to know how to program in Java, then on your first day you’re given a task in Java and you can’t code it, then they’re going to know you lied. This will likely result in your employment being terminated because YOU SHOULDN’T LIE ON A RESUME! This is very similar to when you go on that first date… you can’t hide anymore. It is no longer about a sales pitch, or how good at interviews you may be… this is real. This is why so many men can’t get past the first date.
The point is…be real and be true…there is NO POINT in lying because if you plan on seeing this through, eventually it is going to come out in the open. So why did this guy make it to date number two when so many others failed? Because he was exactly who he said he was, which was exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t feel disappointment, instead I felt excited, and anxious to see this person again. Don’t leave your dates feeling like they were fooled…make them feel like they just won the online dating lottery by being with you!
Thank you for reading! What is the biggest thing that you have been lied to about through online dating? Have you ever lied and someone was able to see past it? I would love to hear your feedback and comments! Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and would like to read more! You can also follow me on twitter @how2cupid for updates on when new posts are up! If you have a suggestion or a comment you would prefer private, please feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks again and Happy Soul Searching! xoxo