After spending time in the online dating world, you will hopefully find success and a person that you honestly feel a connection with. I am talking about after the messaging, the number exchange, the first date, and now you have found yourself genuinely interested in this person and eager for more. Although online dating can be exhausting, I think that this is the most difficult part and for many reasons.
In my eyes, a new ‘relationship’ is very similar to buying a new car. After searching for so long, you finally find a car that you want to commit to and bring home with you. This car you plan on driving daily, and spending a lot of time with. It is a great feeling when you finally make the decision to buy this car, that is…until you pull out of the dealership.
You start to drive this car, and begin to feel fear…fear that something might happen to it…fear that either yourself or another, will cause this car to crash and possibly total it. It is amazing how much insecurity we have, that we don’t even realize exists, until we find something that we are so afraid to lose. You find yourself being overly safe and cautious, even when doing the simplest of tasks. A drive to the grocery store is now laced with anxiety that a stray shopping cart will come rolling across the parking lot and right into your brand new car.
When I decide I really like someone, I strive for perfection. I reread a text a zillion times before sending it, when just a few weeks ago I wouldn’t have even considered a possible fault in it. I start reading into everything and overanalyzing the simplest of things. I find myself growing with concern more quickly, and jumping to conclusions in an instant.
I don’t know where this comes from… I don’t know if everyone feels the way I feel in this situation… Is it past experience? Or am I just a more anxious person? Is it a lack of confidence? Theories can be discussed as to ‘why’ but even if I knew, I couldn’t change it.
The part that really sucks about this, is by being insecure and over-analytic you can actually be more harmful than if you could just let go and not think about it. You can end up being obnoxious or annoying…you can end up being that person constantly seeking reconfirmation that everything is OKAY and this person STILL LIKES YOU.
When you find someone that you feel is ‘too good to be true’ it is so hard to not ask for someone to pinch you occasionally to confirm that you are NOT dreaming. So where does this all come from? Why on a dating advice blog am I writing about relationships? Well that’s because recently I agreed to be in one. I mentioned in a past post about a guy I had met through online dating that I really enjoyed, and we have continued to see one another. It’s almost humorous how I am so well versed in casual dating, yet I am a complete mess when it comes to a relationship of my own.
I start to think back to that old phrase… “those who can’t do, teach” …how much truth exists in that statement? Is it possible that I can sit here and give great advice to family, friends, and complete strangers about relationships…yet I can’t follow my own advice? I swear the past few days I feel like Alice from Alice in Wonderland…toting around good advice, yet I can’t seem to follow any of it myself.
Don’t get me wrong…things are going really well with this new man in my life. I just find myself worrying that I am going to mess something up. I worry I am going to take my new car and accidentally smash it into a guard rail because I let my guard down for an instant. So I have two pieces of advice to offer up this evening:
- If you decide to try online dating in pursuit of a relationship, make sure that is exactly what you want. Don’t lead someone on if you don’t honestly think you want to take that step with this person. Be CLEAR about your intentions.
- If you are like me…make sure you find someone, like I did, that you care so much about already, that you don’t let your insecurities make you run scared.
Fear not readers…although I will be experimenting more in the relationship world, I still have plenty of casual dating advice to offer. I might occasionally mix the two in the event that I find a link somewhere that I think could be helpful for you to read. I hope, if anything, this news will give you hope. Hope that it IS possible to find a great match through an online dating website. Hope that not every girl on online dating is a slut and all the men players. It is through effort and honesty that we all can find someone to love.
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Question for the Day: Do you have an online dating success story? Please post in the comments below and tell me about it!!!
Thank you and Happy Soul Searching! xoxo
PS. I saw a BuzzFeed post about an Instagram account where a girl posts some cruel messages she has experienced from men in online dating and other platforms. I would recommend taking a look at her Instagram @byefelipe — I thought it was sad..but entertaining none the less.