Why A Girl DOES NOT Message You Back!

I have had numerous men message me on a daily basis asking WHY they never get messages back from girls. It is hard to really give an overall reason for this, because I believe it is highly situational. The ‘lack of response’ really depends on two things…you and the person you are messaging. I have tried to come up with a list of the top reasons WHY you are not getting a response from the wonderful ladies of the online dating world. This is not complete, and it may not actually apply to you at all, but what the hell i’m going to do it anyway! 🙂

She’s Just Not Into You…

This is the most likely reason WHY you are not receiving a response from a girl. If a girl decides from your message/profile that she does not see a connection, she isn’t going to try to make one happen. This brings me back to my car buying analogy…WHO goes into a car dealership and test drives a car that they don’t like…and then sits in the car trying to justify ways in which they could ‘get used to’ this car…while being surrounded by dozens of other cars that they like better? NO ONE! Unless you don’t have the money for the other cars…then you end up settling with the car you don’t like as much and eventually this car will break down.

NEWS FLASH! If we are interested in a guy, we MESSAGE THEM BACK! We might count the minutes between messages to ensure we don’t seem overly ‘clingy’, but we will definitely message you if we like you.

“What You’re Looking For…”

When I first joined online dating I knew that my overall goal was to find a man to be in a relationship with, and possibly one day marry. That is why on my profile in the ‘looking for’ section, I clearly state what I want. If I received a message from a guy who just has ‘casual sex’ selected, I will not be as inclined to respond because it doesn’t look like we are looking for the same thing.

I think we all have been in that situation at least once where we REALLY wanted a relationship with someone, and they inform you that they do not want a relationship…not just WITH YOU…but in ANYONE. There are plenty of people that are just looking for some version of companionship without the strings attached. So I see it as a red flag when you aren’t looking for what I want, because I don’t want to waste my time trying to make something happen that in the end YOU don’t want to happen.

So if you really are just looking for casual sex, but no one is responding, change what you’re ‘looking for’ to a relationship or marriage, and you might have better luck. But you SHOULDN’T do that because that would be LYING and that is a total DICK move.

Your Message…

I almost want to throw my cellphone through a window sometimes. I will find a man that has a pretty good profile, and all the stars are lining up…but then he messages me. This is why I urge you to be careful and cautious in that first message. You can ruin EVERYTHING in that message. It is almost shocking the number of very well put together men will start off by saying something like “I bet you taste amazing.” or “I am very well endowed. Text me I will send a pic.” or “Damn baby girl…”

Okay…sexual comments should be avoided in the initial message…unless the girls profile clearly states that is precisely what she is looking for. Contrary to popular belief, the size of your penis does not make me tremble and wish I could experience it. If I want to look at big dicks I can watch porn. I am on an online dating website to find a relationship, not to look at big dicks. As for the last example…I just hate when someone starts off with pet names…you can call me baby but I would prefer us to be dating or fornicating when you do. Keep it clean, keep it classy…you don’t want to risk offending someone.

You Have No Photos…

I’m sorry…it is 2014 and almost everyone has access to a smart phone with a camera, a regular camera, a computer with a built in camera, or friends with one of these items. There is NO excuse to not have a picture on your profile. Now I understand that some people don’t want to post pictures because they are afraid that people they know will see them and judge them for being on online dating…well….that person would have to be on online dating as well in order to see you… Chances are they could care less about you being on there too.

I have stumbled across a lot of friends that I know in real life, on online dating. Normally they either don’t say a word, or send a friendly message wishing me luck in my search. It really isn’t the nightmare you are imagining it to be.

I have also heard people tell me that they don’t post pictures because of their job or career. I say: treat your online dating profile like your Facebook. Don’t put things on there that you wouldn’t want your potential or current employer to see.

Regardless, there are just some situations where you are not comfortable posting pictures, and that’s fine. However, if you don’t have pictures on your profile, then don’t be surprised when you don’t get a lot of responses to your messages. I see a lack-of-photo as a red flag, and I typically do not even bother with these profiles…I am sure your charming personality is to die for, but I don’t invest in ‘sight unseen’ profiles.

Other Reasons:

  • She didn’t have time to respond when she read your message.
  • She got distracted and forgot about your message.
  • She is dating someone.
  • She dropped her phone in the toilet.
  • Her cats stole her phone and buried it in the litter box.
  • Her phone was in her purse that was stolen.
  • She forgot her POF/OKCUPID/ETC password.
  • She lost her fingers in a lawnmower accident.
  • She left her phone charger at work.
  • She is busy messaging other dudes.
  • She is on a date and can’t message you right now.
  • She broke her glasses and can’t read your message.
  • She was kidnapped by a tinder-guy and the tinder-guy has her phone…and guess what? He doesn’t want to respond to your message.
  • She accidentally hit delete on your message and it is lost forever.
  • She spilled wine on her phone and it won’t turn on now.
  • Your message made her ‘weak at the knees’ and she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her phone.

Like I said…THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT REASONS WHY A GIRL DOESN’T MESSAGE YOU BACK. But ultimately at the end of the day, the most common reason is she is just NOT interested in you. It sucks…but you have no choice but to accept it and move on. She clearly is NOT the RIGHT girl for you. You will know when it is the RIGHT girl because this girl WILL BE MESSAGING YOU. It took me five years on/off of online dating to finally meet someone that I wanted to be with, don’t be shocked when after a month of failed attempts you are STILL TRYING. The juice is worth the squeeze my friends!

Thank you for taking the time to read! Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and want to read more! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for notifications when a new post is published! Please e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com if you have any private questions or comments you would like to make! Good luck and happy soul searching! xoxo


3 thoughts on “Why A Girl DOES NOT Message You Back!

    1. wishfuljenn Post author

      Not every girl is seeking a modelesque man. Yes, I can’t deny that there are many women out there that do search for that, but there is still a good population of woman that could care less.

      My goal in writing these posts is not to help match media-described beauty with other beauties. It is to help those who seek a soulmate find that soulmate. Yes, if you don’t have model-like qualities then women who are looking for that WILL pass you by, but you wouldn’t want those women anyway because clearly they are not right for you.

      I urge the men in the dating world not to put effort in for those women, but for the right girl that will appreciate that effort and want to learn more about you.

      A lot of what you stated can be applied in the reverse as well. I have viewed numerous profiles of men who state ‘no fat chicks’ ‘no BBW’… So I don’t believe it is necessarily fair to 100% throw the blame on women. Let the close minded beauties find each other while the rest of us find our perfect match as well.

      I do appreciate your comment and feedback. I also enjoyed reading the article you shared. Thank you for that. I just have to disagree on some levels because I don’t feel that a great profile and great message renders zero chance of response based on a lack of physical beauty. I think this just helps weed out the wrong matches and lead you to the right one.

      Thanks again for reading! Happy Soul Searching! xoxo



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