Upcoming Posts!!!

Hello everyone!!!! I would love to hear some of your requests for future topics to cover!!! Please comment below, tweet me @how2cupid, or e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com with your ideas!!!

If you’re also a blogger and your idea is chosen, I will include a link to your blog in the post!!!!

I look forward to hearing your suggestions and writing up new material for you!!!!!! Thanks for reading and happy soul searching! xoxo



Worst Things You Can Say in a Message…

I know I spend a lot of time detailing some of the most horrific message fails in the online dating world. But there are some messages that appear harmless on the surface, yet very often will result in no response from a girl. So for this Friday night, I bring you…the WORST THINGS YOU CAN SAY IN A MESSAGE….!! ***scary music playing with a clap of thunder***

Detailed Biography…

I am not saying that a lengthy message is necessarily a bad thing to send, but the content is extremely important. If you’re planning on sending a message that is more than a few sentences, make sure your content is actually interesting. As an example, here is a detailed biography message I received:

“Hello Jenn. My name is Eric. I am 25 years old and I live in Dayton. I like sports and my family. I am an accountant. I like the bengals. I love to workout…………..(message continues with very similar sentences for quite some time…)…If you want to hang out I promise I will show you a good time! Message me if you’re interested!”

Well…Eric…although I definitely see some things that we might have in common…I also am bored to tears. The genericness of the biography is what kills it. In addition, you don’t need to state your name, age, and location in your opening message. This information is already there… Try to show me that you read my profile, talk about the interests that we have in common, and tell me why. A message with that amount of thought put into it is going to mean more to me, and i’m more likely to respond to it.


If you want to try to message a girl with something that is simple and sweet, you need to make sure that it is grammatically correct. One of the most common messages I receive is along the lines of “You’re Beautiful” “You’re Gorgeous” “You’re sexy” … Only they don’t look that enticing because they normally look more like this… “Your beutiful” “Your gorgous” “Your sexy” … I am not a complete grammar nazi, but I feel like if you’re sending me a message, you would want it to be perfect. So when I see things like that, I picture you sending off a thousand incorrect “Your beutiful” to all the women on the site. It definitely makes me feel a little less ‘beutiful’…

Asking me questions I already answered…

Nothing is more frustrating than receiving a message asking questions that are clearly answered in my profile. I am shocked at the number of times I get “What’s your name?” … my username is wishfuljenn … really? And on POF they have a little spot where you put your first name on your profile… So when I get a message asking me what my name is, I am wondering if this person also needs to be reminded to breath?!

I know that my profile can be daunting to some, but at the very least look it over and make sure that I haven’t already answered the question that you’re about to send me. You will find that more girls will message you back if you SHOW THEM you took the time to LEARN about them!


Any message with any type of profanity, or of a sexual nature should be avoided at all times. When you message a girl and talk about her sexually, clearly you’re showing her that you’re only interested in one thing (even if that is not your intention). If a girls profile is all about how much she just wants to settle down, then chances are she isn’t going to be interested in someone who clearly only wants to stick it to her!

I mention profanity a lot, and based on my blog posts you might wonder why the hell I care about profanity? I curse like a sailor, but if I was trying to meet the love of my life, I certainly wouldn’t start it off with a few bombs. I just think it is common courtesy and respect to at least wait and see where her comfort level is with language like that, before you start using it.

Don’t Be Shy…

I HATE THIS MESSAGE SO F*CKING MUCH! I swear I think this is the WORST message you can EVER send to a girl…or at least to me. When I get a message that either includes or completely consists of these three words … “Don’t be shy…” I swear my stomach hurts. When I hear those words, I imagine some creepy old man standing next to a beat up van, mouthing these words while curling his finger begging me to get in…

This is the kind of phrase that I hear from roofers, guys driving by while i’m walking, guys driving by while i’m unloading groceries, guys driving by at ANY F*CKING TIME. I HATE THIS PHRASE. PLEASEEEEEE DO NOT USE THIS PHRASE. If you use this phrase I can guarantee you will NEVER hear from me. This phrase sucks balls. I would rather you tell me you want to slather my body in chocolate syrup and throw a bunch of sprinkles on me, than to hear this stupid phrase. You’ve been warned…

In Conclusion…

At the end of the day, I can’t tell you the perfect message to send to get a response. I can only tell you about the kind of messages that I don’t like, and the kind that I do like. Just because I hate some of these things, doesn’t mean every girl also hates them. If you find yourself sending messages like this, and you’re not getting many responses (or any), it might be a good idea to try to change it up a little bit. The most important thing is just to READ and LEARN about the girl before you send the message. You can probably tell from her profile whether or not she would appreciate any of the messages I listed above. Like I said, this is just me, but there might be a lot of other girls out there who think very similar to me. If you find yourself out of luck, CHANGE IT UP.

Thank you so much for reading! I promise to have another new post up by tomorrow! In the meantime please feel free to check out some of my older posts. Here are links to some of the popular oldies:

The Morning After

Awkward Moments for the Eternally Single

Reasons Why Cats are Better than Boyfriends (with pictures)

If you enjoy what you see please FOLLOW MY BLOG! Then you will always know when a new post is up! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid and I post alerts on there. You can also use the SHARE buttons at the bottom of the post and share my blog with your family and friends! OH and  I have some questions for you as well:

1) What would you like to see in the future of how2cupid?
2) Any requests for upcoming posts?
3) What are you going to be for Halloween?
4) What kind of message on an online dating website do YOU hate?

Can’t wait to read your responses! Please comment below!

Thank you & Happy Soul Searching!

Being Alive

When you have been single for an extended period of time you start to get used to it. You begin to accept your solo life and start to become selfish. Not a BAD version of selfish. When you have been on your own for so long, you start to think in terms of you, and don’t have to consider anyone else. Eventually, for most people, you will find someone that will want to be in your world, and you’ll want them to be in there too. This is when things can get a little weird…but a good weird! 🙂

One of my favorite musicals is called ‘Company’. And in Company, Robert, a mid-thirties bachelor, realizes that although he thought being alone was grand, he didn’t want that anymore. He performed a song called ‘Being Alive’. This song was the breaking point for this character, when he finally accepted that being alone and free could not possibly hold a candle to being with someone. If you have never watched Neil Patrick Harris belt out this song before, you can find it here on YouTube: Being Alive. I highly recommend it.

The song points out a lot of things that as a single person, you don’t have to deal with, but when you let someone in, you do. I know I preach a lot about how great single life is, but there comes a time when that journey needs to go in a different path…the path out of single-hood and into a relationship with another person.

It is an exciting moment when you meet someone and you think that they could be that person. Even if you don’t know them very well, or for very long, you start imagining what it would be like with this person. What it would be like to have someone who cares about you in that way. Instead of coming home to tell your cats about your day, there is this person who may not always care to hear about it, but they are still there to listen. To have that comfort that even in dark times…whether it be a death, injury, illness, or a bad day….that at least there is someone out there that cares about you in that way that no one else does.

No longer do you have to sit at the single’s table at events…no longer do you find yourself clinging to a baseball bat when you hear something strange outside at night…no longer do you have to answer that dreaded question on whether or not you’re dating anybody… The world completely changes, and in so many good ways.

THE WORST however…is when you meet someone and you start getting hopeful that they are the person that will finally turn everything around…and then they’re gone in the blink of an eye. You’re left shaken, because you started to strip down and become vulnerable to this person and then they wounded you…You find yourself trying to quickly bandage up the cuts…but only time can heal things like this…

It’s funny…no matter how long or short the time spent with someone is…it still hurts if they leave. It still makes you scared to put yourself out there again. Disappointment can be more painful and debilitating than having your heart broken. To get your hopes up and be so high and happy, and to have it torn away in an instant… it really hurts.

Hope is a powerful thing. You might not always know why something didn’t happen the way you thought it would, sometimes we don’t get answers. However, we all have been disappointed before, and we all have been able to build ourselves back up before the next blow. One of these times…you won’t have to rebuild….because one of these times….they won’t disappoint you.

I am a self-proclaimed serial dater, but I still have a heart and feelings too. Anytime I go on a new date with a new guy (remember I had over 30 of them this past summer…) I run the risk of being disappointed, being hurt, and being left. It never stops me though…because every time that something didn’t work out the way that I wanted it to, I would go back and listen to my favorite song, ‘Being Alive’. Because this song reminds me why it is worth all the pain in the end, it reminds me why I keep getting up to bat.

Don’t let the fear of failure and disappointment stop you from finding this person…I can promise you I won’t let it stop me.

Thanks for reading & Happy Soul Searching.


Tough Love….Men & Messages….

I normally try to not repeat topics so that my material is always new and untouched. However there is a topic that I covered in an earlier post that I believe needs to be brought back up and thoroughly reexamined.


**Slightly explicit material near the end, reader discretion is advised.**

If I had a dime for every time a man wrote me a message to tell me how rude I am for not messaging him back (even if it is to just let him know that I am not interested)…I could quit my job. I have never noticed this habit as much on okcupid, however on POF this seems to be an hourly battle.


Since my initial entry into POF, my daily message stream has calmed down considerably. However, that still leaves me with at least 50+ messages a day. I don’t check my messages the second they are received, I normally check them when I wake up, during lunch, and while i’m lounging around later. So when I do check my messages there are normally around 20 or so to go through at a time.

The men of the online dating world have expressed that they feel that if I am NOT interested, I should still send a response to let them know. In case you have never had a lot of messages in your POF inbox, let me tell you how this app works.

FIRST: I have to scroll down through all the messages in order to get to the first one I have not read. This can take a few flicks of my finger on the screen to get there.

SECOND: I open your message and read it, if your message hasn’t completely scared me off, I will view your profile.

THIRD: Upon viewing the profile I will decide whether or not I am interested. IF I am NOT interested, I will switch back to my inbox and move on to the next message.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE APP. If I were to do as all of you think I should, and respond to EVERY message that comes my way…after I type and send my message, the app takes me back to the top of my inbox. So then I have to go back to step one and work my way through the steps once again. If I DON’T message you back to tell you i’m not interested, then I can go to where I left off in my inbox instead and quickly get to the next message.

“Oh that’s just you being lazy, it wouldn’t take that much extra time to message a person back to let them know you’re not interested…”

I agree, that sounds like a pretty lame excuse to not send a letter of declination. HOWEVER the problem is  the person will RESPOND to my message, and 9 times out of 10 ask me WHY I’M NOT INTERESTED. This starts the never-ending loop. If I try to reply to 50 messages and tell them all i’m not interested…at least half of them will respond wanting to know why, and the other half will respond to thank me and move along. So now I have doubled my daily inbox intake to AT LEAST 100 messages a day. (AND THIS IS ONLY ONE OF THREE APPS I’M A MEMBER ON!)

The point is when a girl doesn’t message you back, go ahead and assume she is NOT interested. If she responds and doesn’t say ‘i’m not interested’ then that means SHE PROBABLY IS INTERESTED! 

I have had some people who have messaged me a few times…first the initial message, followed by a sad face or a ‘I guess you’re not interested…’, followed by a message calling me some kind of name (slut, bitch, whore, skank, jerk, etc) for not messaging them to tell them i’m not interested. There have been a few times that I decided to speak up and let the person know that i’m not interested and that it is nearly impossible for me to message EVERY ONE back to tell them that.

I won’t do that again…WHY? WHYYYYYY? Because every guy that I have EVER told “I am NOT interested in YOU“, has ALWAYS come back and attacked me about how I am such a superficial person for NOT being interested in them. They think that because they don’t have abs, perfect hair, great height…THAT is WHY I am NOT INTERESTED in them. Here are some excerpts from the message stream:

  • “Oh i’m sorry just because I don’t get drunk and hit girls I guess i’m not good enough”
  • “What do I have to do? Join a gym? Start binge drinking? Cheat on you? Is that what you want?”
  • “I’m a nice guy, it sucks you have to be such a superficial bitch or you would see that.”
  • “F**k you. You’re f**king ugly anyway and I was just going to f**k you and leave.”
  • “You’re a stuck up bitch and probably full of STDs anyway…”
  • “You will wish you would have gave me a chance when some guy leaves you bruised and bloody you stupid c*nt”

Yeah…this is what I get to read every single day. I didn’t even pick the bad ones, some people are REALLY messed up. It sucks because online dating is something that I think should be fun, and I feel bad that I have upset so many people, but i’m here to make ME happy…That’s the point of these sites. I don’t understand people who waste their time attacking someone through messages when they should be spending their time looking for the right girl (or boy).

I wish I had the time to message back every single person and give them some detailed account of WHY i’m not interested…but I have a life, a job, cats, family, friends, and so many other things going on that keep me from spending my day responding to messages. What kind of life would that be to have to spend it hurting people’s feelings and telling them WHY you’re not interested? A REALLY SHITTY AND SAD ONE! So I prefer to keep my positive vibes and only message those that I am honestly interested in.

I’m sorry if this was a little bit of tough love, but seriously suck it up. So many men on dating sites act like I OWE THEM something…I don’t owe you shit. If that makes me a superficial bitch, then I guess I am a superficial bitch. I’m going to instead focus on positive energy and the nice messages, and the messages from the guys I decide I am interested in…

How many girls out there have experienced something similar? This happens in real life too! I would love to hear your feedback.

MEN: Would you like to counter any of my points and reasonings? I would love to hear about it!

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What a total BUZZKILL.

I really hope the men of the world are completely blind to the moments where they create a major buzzkill in a woman’s life. A buzzkill being defined as an act that takes away the excitement and joy over something. There are a lot of times where men have been a major buzzkill in my life, and some of these instances I blame for deterring me from exploring new possibilities. Is it a permanent deterring? No. But it definitely makes me think twice before putting myself in that situation again.

The Promise of a Date…

I understand that things come up, and plans sometimes have to be cancelled… However timing is key here. When a woman knows she has plans with a new man, she tends to spend a lot of extra time in preparation. Let’s pretend that I have invited you over to hang out at my place…

In preparation for our evening I likely will:

2) Wash my sheets (just in case)
3) SHAVE EVERYTHING, even those pesky little knee hairs that can be hard to get…
4) Buy his favorite snacks/drinks
5) Spend the entire day anticipating the evening with an exhausting extra pep in my step.

Everything has to be perfect, because I am trying to impress you… and then an hour before our date I get the buzzkill text or phone call. If it is a legitimate excuse, it definitely softens the blow when it is short notice… however aside from death/major illness/car problems and other similar reasons…I am going to be crushed. I will spend my night drinking my wine while telling my cat that he is the only man I need… while also dreading when my friends ask me how my date went…

You Just Left After a Great Date…

Nothing is better than that feeling of excitement at the close of a great date. If the date ends with a kiss…a woman ends up replaying that magical kiss over and over in her head until she remembers to look at her phone. Then it starts… the once overwhelming excitement is soon replaced by anticipation laced with anxiety… What is he thinking? Did he enjoy this as much as I did? When will he text? Should I text him? Did he say he would text? Maybe I am supposed to text? What if he dropped his phone in the toilet? What if he got in a car wreck on his way home? … you question your own sanity until you fall asleep clutching your phone… then you wake only to find that you never received a text from him… You are now stripped of all the excitement of the night before and are left feeling more hateful and agitated than you ever imagined you could feel…

That is one of the really shitty parts about dating. No matter HOW MUCH fun you might have, and no matter HOW MUCH you might really like the person, it is always possible that they just did not enjoy you. I think this is probably one of the biggest dating buzzkills known to man… maybe…

After You Sleep with Them…

Dating has been going great and you are really feeling a connection with this person…so what is the next step? That magical evening when you decide  you will no longer keep your legs glued together as if there is some industrial strength velcro attached to each of your thighs and if you pull them apart that means a nuclear missile will be launched that will kill some small, innocent town somewhere…Extreme? That IS how it feels when you are in the withholding sex stage of a relationship. Even though you REALLY want to do it, due to moral reasons or self respect…etc YOU wait and wait and WAIT. There is an age old phrase…why would he buy the cow if he can get the ice cream for free? You hope and you pray that sex is NOT the magical thread keeping him tied to you, but you will never know until you pull that thread and do it.

Some men are more patient than others and can play along for a really long time in order to get what they want. I am NOT saying that all men just want SEX. But unfortunately there are a LOT out there that are just looking to jump from one sexual conquest to the next. This is why it can be quite scary for a woman when she decides to finally concede and bump uglies.

Then it starts…will it be the same? Will our once joyful excursions and conversations continue on as though the night before never happened? Or will he become distant…and eventually non-existent in your life. It is the buzzkill to end all buzzkills when you lose what you thought was a great guy after having sex with him. Some men look at the world of women as one giant war, and each individual woman is a battle within that war. Once they have sex with you the battle is won and the war goes on…onto the next battle.

The ‘Become Official’ Discussion

When you’re dating a guy for awhile, you start to wonder when he will ask you to make this more official. Sometimes you’re official with a guy and you don’t even know it. I had a guy once that I was dating casually for a month and finally I caved and asked him ‘Are you ever going to ask me to be official?’ and his response was ‘I thought we already were?’ So eventually you might find yourself having a similar conversation. After about a month of steady dating, I think that the ‘official’ conversation is definitely due at that point. After a month you know if you want to continue seeing this person, or not. Here are the major buzzkills that can come from this conversation…

  • I’m not ready for a relationship.
    •  Really? Aside from a title, and the official rights to your balls, how is this any different than what we have been doing? This makes me think that you are enjoying hanging with me, but you want to keep your options open…just in case.
  • It is too soon…
    • If you are car shopping, and find a car you like…You don’t just go visit the dealership and drive the car around when you feel like it. You BUY the car so you have exclusive rights to the car so NO ONE ELSE CAN DRIVE IT and YOU CAN DRIVE IT WHENEVER YOU WANT. After a month…you either buy the car, or you give someone else a chance to buy it…ASSHOLE.
  • I’ve been hurt a lot in the past…
    • So? Who HASN’T? If you fall off the horse you get back on it! How dare you allow another person to start caring about you, if you aren’t actually emotionally available?? By saying this, you are also insinuating that you think I might hurt you. If you keep giving me all these bitch excuses, don’t worry…I will hurt you…a swift kick to the balls should do the trick.
  • I don’t have time for a relationship…
    • Such a bullshit excuse! Dating and being in a relationship are NOT very different. What they are saying is they don’t want to feel like they HAVE to do anything for you, they want it to be optional.

Failure in this discussion doesn’t just end there… How many times have you been actively trying to be in a relationship with someone and they deflect all of your attempts? Then you find yourself constantly correcting friends and family on a daily basis as they refer to this person as your ‘boyfriend’…men ask you on dates and although you’re ‘technically single’ you still feel like you need to be faithful to this person until they’re ‘ready’ to commit…You don’t want to screw anything up so you start finding yourself being overly cautious about everything…

Dating can be a BLAST, but there are definitely moments along the way that can really sting…I know that men experience this just as much as women…but this is from a ‘girl’s perspective’. I promise i’m not an evil man-hater. I love men…except when they are being stupid…

The point of this post is…there are a lot of times when you find yourself climbing the mountain of excitement and you end up in a land of vulnerability. You’re on a steady adrenaline rush from the climb, but it is very easy to lose yourself up here and come crashing down. Some people just choose to stay in the valleys surrounding the mountain, and settle with other fallen souls. You might not be alone, but you’ll never find that excitement that awaits at the top of the mountain. BUZZKILLS SUCK! But don’t let them keep you from trying again and again. It is when you will least expect it, that someone wonderful is going to finally not let you fall (in the bad way), and instead lift you up.

Thank you for reading! When have you experienced a major buzzkill in the crazy dating world? I would love to hear about it! Please follow my blog and like/comment on this post if you enjoyed it! It helps me know who is out there reading so I can make sure to bring more posts that you will enjoy!

Happy Soul Searching! xoxo


I have been reading a lot of messages and profiles recently on online dating sites. It really started making me think about certain phrases and words I saw often, and how subjective a lot of what we say can be. For example: I say I enjoy drinking wine. My version of enjoying drinking wine is trying different wines, exploring their different characteristics and learning about them. However, to another person, enjoying drinking wine might mean that in the random occasion that they are at a bar, they enjoy a glass of wine as their drink of choice. However, to ANOTHER person, this may mean that they enjoy binge drinking wine (a handle of Moscato or White Zinfandel) on frequent occasions resulting in black outs and random sex-capades.

The point is, if I met a person and we both said we enjoyed drinking wine, at first it appears to be something we have in common. However, in our own individual contexts, we might not actually have anything in common. This can apply in a number of situations, but what I plan to discuss today are some common terms and phrases in the dating world that can be very subjective.

“Crazy girls need not apply.”

Well apparently this person must want no girls…because it is likely that at some point in every girl’s life she has been considered crazy. I know that I have been referred to as a ‘crazy girl’ before by some men that I have met. However, it is possible that MY kind of crazy is NOT the kind of crazy that you are trying to avoid.

I knew a guy who had an ex-girlfriend that actually broke in to his home and attacked him in his sleep. I would consider her crazy. However, my obsessive need to make plans in advance may have appeared crazy to the guy who called me it…but I would never break into a guy’s house and attack him in his sleep. (Unless it was preplanned with him…and for fun!) Every girl has their own version of ‘crazy’, it is just about finding the right guy who finds our ‘crazy’ not so…crazy?

That’s why I think that instead of using the blanket term crazy when listing what you are not looking for, it may be more beneficial to elaborate a bit. For example: In the case of my obsessive need to make plans in advance. The person could say “I am not really a planner, and I don’t like to follow a schedule. So if that is something that is important to you, then it is possible we might not click.” Now you have clearly defined what it is you might NOT be looking for, and you didn’t have to say crazy in order to do it. So the OCD girls will click away, move on, and not waste your time and you can find the ‘un-crazy’ girl of your dreams.

“I’m a really nice guy.”

There was this guy I knew…he used to post on Facebook all the time! Always whining about how he was such a nice guy, and how he didn’t understand why girls didn’t want him, but only wanted assholes. I have seen a number of profiles and messages of men either making the same argument or just in general saying that they are a nice guy.

Men of the world, most girls don’t actually seek out assholes. A lot of the time we are completely unaware that our man is an asshole, until his assholic-ness shines through. That being said, I also think that almost every guy is a nice guy. Because it really depends on what your definition of NICE GUY is.

Is a nice guy just someone who doesn’t cheat? Maybe to some…Is a nice guy just someone who holds doors for women and always pays? Maybe to some…Is a nice guy someone who never argues or verbally battles with a woman? Maybe to some…Is a nice guy just someone who doesn’t beat women? Maybe to some…

The point is there is no globally used definition for a NICE GUY. It can be a number of things, and it might not always mean the same thing to different people.

Fun Story…

My ex and I were out to dinner one night. Dinner ended and we were getting ready to leave. I stopped to use the restroom before we left to head home. When I walked out of the restroom he wasn’t in the corridor waiting. I waited a few minutes, just incase he also had to go…Finally I decided to head out to the parking lot to see if he had gone out there. I walked out to the parking lot to find that his truck was gone. I stood around, looking, trying to see if he was anywhere…. I tried calling him… I started to worry, but just then he zipped around the corner and puled up next to me. He was laughing his ass off from watching me look like an idiot while I wondered whether or not he had left.

So…I THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS! I laughed the whole ride home as we replayed the story over and over again. I told other people about it because I thought it was so funny…I was surprised to see that so many people called him an asshole by the time I finished the story. I didn’t think he was an asshole for doing that, I thought it was an awesome stunt, and for the most part, he is a pretty nice guy. WAIT WHAT?!?! NICE GUYS CANNOT BE ASSHOLES!!!!!! Umm…yes…they can…

Personally I don’t like when a guy is overly nice. I want them to have ‘nice’ traits…don’t cheat on me, don’t ignore me, don’t physically or verbally abuse me… but I like a guy with a little fight in him. My major point is instead of saying “I’M SUCH A NICE GUY!” say WHY you are and tell more about YOU. Otherwise it could get lost in translation and girls might skip over you because they are worried you will be ‘too nice’.

Wow. I have a lot more but this is getting really wordy. So perhaps this will be a PART 1 of MANY! 🙂 I try to keep these posts relatively short so they are a little less daunting to read. There are many more words and phrases out there. Just take these two examples and read through your profile, or your messages, and see if you can find more examples.

What are YOUR definitions for the two samples above? Let’s see how different or alike they may be! I think you’ll find it’s a little hard to break your perception of the phrase and put it into words. What do you think about the stunt my ex pulled? Asshole? or Hilarious? Please follow my blog, and like/comment/share my posts if you enjoyed what you have read! That is the only way I will know you all are out there! 🙂 You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for updates on when new posts are up! Thank you and happy soul searching! xoxo