Tag Archives: online dating

Long Time No See…

I have not posted a blog in quite some time. Why? I am not sure. It can be very draining when you are new to blogging and you have to find ways to cope with the negative feedback you receive. I suppose I was burnt out very early on, and what was once fun, no longer was.

I am back, and I am better now. I’ve developed the ‘I DON’T GIVE A SHIT’ disease, and it has been very freeing. This is a dating blog, so I won’t bore you any longer with why I have been gone, but instead update you on what it is I have been doing!

Since my last post, I have been on a few dates and I have plenty of new material to share! From the time I accidentally kidnapped a man, to ongoing escapades with my neighbor, I have had quite the winter/spring/summer. I look forward to posting the new material, so keep an eye out!

Please comment or subscribe so I know you’re out there! I am so excited to share my latest stories in the world of dating as a 20-something girl!

Thank you and happy soul searching!
xoxo
Jenn

Why A Girl DOES NOT Message You Back!

I have had numerous men message me on a daily basis asking WHY they never get messages back from girls. It is hard to really give an overall reason for this, because I believe it is highly situational. The ‘lack of response’ really depends on two things…you and the person you are messaging. I have tried to come up with a list of the top reasons WHY you are not getting a response from the wonderful ladies of the online dating world. This is not complete, and it may not actually apply to you at all, but what the hell i’m going to do it anyway! 🙂

She’s Just Not Into You…

This is the most likely reason WHY you are not receiving a response from a girl. If a girl decides from your message/profile that she does not see a connection, she isn’t going to try to make one happen. This brings me back to my car buying analogy…WHO goes into a car dealership and test drives a car that they don’t like…and then sits in the car trying to justify ways in which they could ‘get used to’ this car…while being surrounded by dozens of other cars that they like better? NO ONE! Unless you don’t have the money for the other cars…then you end up settling with the car you don’t like as much and eventually this car will break down.

NEWS FLASH! If we are interested in a guy, we MESSAGE THEM BACK! We might count the minutes between messages to ensure we don’t seem overly ‘clingy’, but we will definitely message you if we like you.

“What You’re Looking For…”

When I first joined online dating I knew that my overall goal was to find a man to be in a relationship with, and possibly one day marry. That is why on my profile in the ‘looking for’ section, I clearly state what I want. If I received a message from a guy who just has ‘casual sex’ selected, I will not be as inclined to respond because it doesn’t look like we are looking for the same thing.

I think we all have been in that situation at least once where we REALLY wanted a relationship with someone, and they inform you that they do not want a relationship…not just WITH YOU…but in ANYONE. There are plenty of people that are just looking for some version of companionship without the strings attached. So I see it as a red flag when you aren’t looking for what I want, because I don’t want to waste my time trying to make something happen that in the end YOU don’t want to happen.

So if you really are just looking for casual sex, but no one is responding, change what you’re ‘looking for’ to a relationship or marriage, and you might have better luck. But you SHOULDN’T do that because that would be LYING and that is a total DICK move.

Your Message…

I almost want to throw my cellphone through a window sometimes. I will find a man that has a pretty good profile, and all the stars are lining up…but then he messages me. This is why I urge you to be careful and cautious in that first message. You can ruin EVERYTHING in that message. It is almost shocking the number of very well put together men will start off by saying something like “I bet you taste amazing.” or “I am very well endowed. Text me I will send a pic.” or “Damn baby girl…”

Okay…sexual comments should be avoided in the initial message…unless the girls profile clearly states that is precisely what she is looking for. Contrary to popular belief, the size of your penis does not make me tremble and wish I could experience it. If I want to look at big dicks I can watch porn. I am on an online dating website to find a relationship, not to look at big dicks. As for the last example…I just hate when someone starts off with pet names…you can call me baby but I would prefer us to be dating or fornicating when you do. Keep it clean, keep it classy…you don’t want to risk offending someone.

You Have No Photos…

I’m sorry…it is 2014 and almost everyone has access to a smart phone with a camera, a regular camera, a computer with a built in camera, or friends with one of these items. There is NO excuse to not have a picture on your profile. Now I understand that some people don’t want to post pictures because they are afraid that people they know will see them and judge them for being on online dating…well….that person would have to be on online dating as well in order to see you… Chances are they could care less about you being on there too.

I have stumbled across a lot of friends that I know in real life, on online dating. Normally they either don’t say a word, or send a friendly message wishing me luck in my search. It really isn’t the nightmare you are imagining it to be.

I have also heard people tell me that they don’t post pictures because of their job or career. I say: treat your online dating profile like your Facebook. Don’t put things on there that you wouldn’t want your potential or current employer to see.

Regardless, there are just some situations where you are not comfortable posting pictures, and that’s fine. However, if you don’t have pictures on your profile, then don’t be surprised when you don’t get a lot of responses to your messages. I see a lack-of-photo as a red flag, and I typically do not even bother with these profiles…I am sure your charming personality is to die for, but I don’t invest in ‘sight unseen’ profiles.

Other Reasons:

  • She didn’t have time to respond when she read your message.
  • She got distracted and forgot about your message.
  • She is dating someone.
  • She dropped her phone in the toilet.
  • Her cats stole her phone and buried it in the litter box.
  • Her phone was in her purse that was stolen.
  • She forgot her POF/OKCUPID/ETC password.
  • She lost her fingers in a lawnmower accident.
  • She left her phone charger at work.
  • She is busy messaging other dudes.
  • She is on a date and can’t message you right now.
  • She broke her glasses and can’t read your message.
  • She was kidnapped by a tinder-guy and the tinder-guy has her phone…and guess what? He doesn’t want to respond to your message.
  • She accidentally hit delete on your message and it is lost forever.
  • She spilled wine on her phone and it won’t turn on now.
  • Your message made her ‘weak at the knees’ and she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her phone.

Like I said…THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT REASONS WHY A GIRL DOESN’T MESSAGE YOU BACK. But ultimately at the end of the day, the most common reason is she is just NOT interested in you. It sucks…but you have no choice but to accept it and move on. She clearly is NOT the RIGHT girl for you. You will know when it is the RIGHT girl because this girl WILL BE MESSAGING YOU. It took me five years on/off of online dating to finally meet someone that I wanted to be with, don’t be shocked when after a month of failed attempts you are STILL TRYING. The juice is worth the squeeze my friends!

Thank you for taking the time to read! Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and want to read more! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for notifications when a new post is published! Please e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com if you have any private questions or comments you would like to make! Good luck and happy soul searching! xoxo

Online Dating… SUCCESS?!

After spending time in the online dating world, you will hopefully find success and a person that you honestly feel a connection with. I am talking about after the messaging, the number exchange, the first date, and now you have found yourself genuinely interested in this person and eager for more.  Although online dating can be exhausting, I think that this is the most difficult part and for many reasons.

In my eyes, a new ‘relationship’ is very similar to buying a new car. After searching for so long, you finally find a car that you want to commit to and bring home with you. This car you plan on driving daily, and spending a lot of time with. It is a great feeling when you finally make the decision to buy this car, that is…until you pull out of the dealership.

You start to drive this car, and begin to feel fear…fear that something might happen to it…fear that either yourself or another, will cause this car to crash and possibly total it. It is amazing how much insecurity we have, that we don’t even realize exists, until we find something that we are so afraid to lose. You find yourself being overly safe and cautious, even when doing the simplest of tasks. A drive to the grocery store is now laced with anxiety that a stray shopping cart will come rolling across the parking lot and right into your brand new car.

When I decide I really like someone, I strive for perfection. I reread a text a zillion times before sending it, when just a few weeks ago I wouldn’t have even considered a possible fault in it. I start reading into everything and overanalyzing the simplest of things. I find myself growing with concern more quickly, and jumping to conclusions in an instant.

I don’t know where this comes from… I don’t know if everyone feels the way I feel in this situation… Is it past experience? Or am I just a more anxious person? Is it a lack of confidence? Theories can be discussed as to ‘why’ but even if I knew, I couldn’t change it.

The part that really sucks about this, is by being insecure and over-analytic you can actually be more harmful than if you could just let go and not think about it. You can end up being obnoxious or annoying…you can end up being that person constantly seeking reconfirmation that everything is OKAY and this person STILL LIKES YOU.

When you find someone that you feel is ‘too good to be true’ it is so hard to not ask for someone to pinch you occasionally to confirm that you are NOT dreaming. So where does this all come from? Why on a dating advice blog am I writing about relationships? Well that’s because recently I agreed to be in one. I mentioned in a past post about a guy I had met through online dating that I really enjoyed, and we have continued to see one another. It’s almost humorous how I am so well versed in casual dating, yet I am a complete mess when it comes to a relationship of my own.

I start to think back to that old phrase… “those who can’t do, teach” …how much truth exists in that statement? Is it possible that I can sit here and give great advice to family, friends, and complete strangers about relationships…yet I can’t follow my own advice? I swear the past few days I feel like Alice from Alice in Wonderland…toting around good advice, yet I can’t seem to follow any of it myself.

Don’t get me wrong…things are going really well with this new man in my life. I just find myself worrying that I am going to mess something up. I worry I am going to take my new car and accidentally smash it into a guard rail because I let my guard down for an instant. So I have two pieces of advice to offer up this evening:

  1. If you decide to try online dating in pursuit of a relationship, make sure that is exactly what you want. Don’t lead someone on if you don’t honestly think you want to take that step with this person. Be CLEAR about your intentions.
  2. If you are like me…make sure you find someone, like I did, that you care so much about already, that you don’t let your insecurities make you run scared.

Fear not readers…although I will be experimenting more in the relationship world, I still have plenty of casual dating advice to offer. I might occasionally mix the two in the event that I find a link somewhere that I think could be helpful for you to read. I hope, if anything, this news will give you hope. Hope that it IS possible to find a great match through an online dating website. Hope that not every girl on online dating is a slut and all the men players. It is through effort and honesty that we all can find someone to love.

Thank you for reading! Please follow my blog if you like what you have read! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for updates when new posts are up! Please e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com if you have any questions or need personal advice!

Question for the Day: Do you have an online dating success story? Please post in the comments below and tell me about it!!!

Thank you and Happy Soul Searching! xoxo

PS. I saw a BuzzFeed post about an Instagram account where a girl posts some cruel messages she has experienced from men in online dating and other platforms. I would recommend taking a look at her Instagram @byefelipe — I thought it was sad..but entertaining none the less.

FIRST DATE FAILURE……..

I have been perusing the messages and eligible bachelors of okcupid, POF, and Tinder over the course of the past few months. As I have previously mentioned, this summer I went on over thirty FIRST dates from the online dating world. I emphasize the word FIRST because that is all that ever came of these dates. After spending time messaging back and forth with these individuals, I eventually agreed to go on a date, and then the date ended and so did our communication. A week and a half ago, I finally broke my first date curse and found a man that I definitely wanted to see for a second time. Why did this guy make it to round two, when over thirty other men didn’t, and hundreds didn’t even get the chance to try? Well…let me break it down for you…

I spend a lot of time criticizing and offering up suggestions for improvements on online dating profiles. The point of having a great profile is to successfully get to that first date. This is your sales pitch (contrary to match.com’s commercial claims). This is your chance to catch the eye, and then the mind of an individual that could possibly be a match for you. If you don’t have a profile that can grab the attention of viewers, then you’re going to find yourself having a hard time landing dates.

I have mentioned repeatedly the importance of honesty when you’re making your profile. This is a sales pitch, but you don’t want to give false advertising just to get a date. The reason why, is because when this girl meets you for the first time, you can’t hide behind your profile and lies anymore. You don’t want a girl’s first impression of you to be filled with disappointment. It is hard enough trying to imagine a person that you’ve never met, based on pictures and descriptions alone. Obviously when we start to imagine you, we imagine you in the most ideal of form. When I say FORM I don’t mean chiseled abs and defined arms, I mean FORM as in the model of yourself that you’ve described.

The number one reason why all of my FIRST dates never grew into anything more than that, is because of false advertising. It is because I couldn’t get over things that people lied about in order to catch my eye. I have spelled all of these out before…the short TALL guy, the quiet OUTGOING guy, the HEAVY fit guy… Could I get over some of these infractions? Yeah I probably could, but being lied to hurts so it makes it kind of hard to do that.

I like to think about online dating as something very similar to job hunting. You look through all the listings and try to find ones that you feel you would be interested in doing, or qualified to do (scanning dating profiles). After you make your choices, you reach out to the company and apply for the job and submit you resume (message girls). If the company sees your resume and thinks that you would be a good fit for the job, then they will call you in for an interview (girl messages you back). Then you go in for the interview and tell them why you would make a good fit for the company (messaging back and forth with girl). If the company decides that they want to extend an offer, then you have a job (congrats you got a date).

HERE is the part where if you LIED in your resume or in your interview, the company is going to find out. If you claim to know how to program in Java, then on your first day you’re given a task in Java and you can’t code it, then they’re going to know you lied. This will likely result in your employment being terminated because YOU SHOULDN’T LIE ON A RESUME! This is very similar to when you go on that first date… you can’t hide anymore. It is no longer about a sales pitch, or how good at interviews you may be… this is real. This is why so many men can’t get past the first date.

The point is…be real and be true…there is NO POINT in lying because if you plan on seeing this through, eventually it is going to come out in the open. So why did this guy make it to date number two when so many others failed? Because he was exactly who he said he was, which was exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t feel disappointment, instead I felt excited, and anxious to see this person again. Don’t leave your dates feeling like they were fooled…make them feel like they just won the online dating lottery by being with you!

Thank you for reading! What is the biggest thing that you have been lied to about through online dating? Have you ever lied and someone was able to see past it? I would love to hear your feedback and comments! Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and would like to read more! You can also follow me on twitter @how2cupid for updates on when new posts are up! If you have a suggestion or a comment you would prefer private, please feel free to e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com.

Thanks again and Happy Soul Searching! xoxo

Worst Things You Can Say in a Message…

I know I spend a lot of time detailing some of the most horrific message fails in the online dating world. But there are some messages that appear harmless on the surface, yet very often will result in no response from a girl. So for this Friday night, I bring you…the WORST THINGS YOU CAN SAY IN A MESSAGE….!! ***scary music playing with a clap of thunder***

Detailed Biography…

I am not saying that a lengthy message is necessarily a bad thing to send, but the content is extremely important. If you’re planning on sending a message that is more than a few sentences, make sure your content is actually interesting. As an example, here is a detailed biography message I received:

“Hello Jenn. My name is Eric. I am 25 years old and I live in Dayton. I like sports and my family. I am an accountant. I like the bengals. I love to workout…………..(message continues with very similar sentences for quite some time…)…If you want to hang out I promise I will show you a good time! Message me if you’re interested!”

Well…Eric…although I definitely see some things that we might have in common…I also am bored to tears. The genericness of the biography is what kills it. In addition, you don’t need to state your name, age, and location in your opening message. This information is already there… Try to show me that you read my profile, talk about the interests that we have in common, and tell me why. A message with that amount of thought put into it is going to mean more to me, and i’m more likely to respond to it.

You’re…________________

If you want to try to message a girl with something that is simple and sweet, you need to make sure that it is grammatically correct. One of the most common messages I receive is along the lines of “You’re Beautiful” “You’re Gorgeous” “You’re sexy” … Only they don’t look that enticing because they normally look more like this… “Your beutiful” “Your gorgous” “Your sexy” … I am not a complete grammar nazi, but I feel like if you’re sending me a message, you would want it to be perfect. So when I see things like that, I picture you sending off a thousand incorrect “Your beutiful” to all the women on the site. It definitely makes me feel a little less ‘beutiful’…

Asking me questions I already answered…

Nothing is more frustrating than receiving a message asking questions that are clearly answered in my profile. I am shocked at the number of times I get “What’s your name?” … my username is wishfuljenn … really? And on POF they have a little spot where you put your first name on your profile… So when I get a message asking me what my name is, I am wondering if this person also needs to be reminded to breath?!

I know that my profile can be daunting to some, but at the very least look it over and make sure that I haven’t already answered the question that you’re about to send me. You will find that more girls will message you back if you SHOW THEM you took the time to LEARN about them!

!@#@$#%^%%@#$#@

Any message with any type of profanity, or of a sexual nature should be avoided at all times. When you message a girl and talk about her sexually, clearly you’re showing her that you’re only interested in one thing (even if that is not your intention). If a girls profile is all about how much she just wants to settle down, then chances are she isn’t going to be interested in someone who clearly only wants to stick it to her!

I mention profanity a lot, and based on my blog posts you might wonder why the hell I care about profanity? I curse like a sailor, but if I was trying to meet the love of my life, I certainly wouldn’t start it off with a few bombs. I just think it is common courtesy and respect to at least wait and see where her comfort level is with language like that, before you start using it.

Don’t Be Shy…

I HATE THIS MESSAGE SO F*CKING MUCH! I swear I think this is the WORST message you can EVER send to a girl…or at least to me. When I get a message that either includes or completely consists of these three words … “Don’t be shy…” I swear my stomach hurts. When I hear those words, I imagine some creepy old man standing next to a beat up van, mouthing these words while curling his finger begging me to get in…

This is the kind of phrase that I hear from roofers, guys driving by while i’m walking, guys driving by while i’m unloading groceries, guys driving by at ANY F*CKING TIME. I HATE THIS PHRASE. PLEASEEEEEE DO NOT USE THIS PHRASE. If you use this phrase I can guarantee you will NEVER hear from me. This phrase sucks balls. I would rather you tell me you want to slather my body in chocolate syrup and throw a bunch of sprinkles on me, than to hear this stupid phrase. You’ve been warned…

In Conclusion…

At the end of the day, I can’t tell you the perfect message to send to get a response. I can only tell you about the kind of messages that I don’t like, and the kind that I do like. Just because I hate some of these things, doesn’t mean every girl also hates them. If you find yourself sending messages like this, and you’re not getting many responses (or any), it might be a good idea to try to change it up a little bit. The most important thing is just to READ and LEARN about the girl before you send the message. You can probably tell from her profile whether or not she would appreciate any of the messages I listed above. Like I said, this is just me, but there might be a lot of other girls out there who think very similar to me. If you find yourself out of luck, CHANGE IT UP.

Thank you so much for reading! I promise to have another new post up by tomorrow! In the meantime please feel free to check out some of my older posts. Here are links to some of the popular oldies:

The Morning After

Awkward Moments for the Eternally Single

Reasons Why Cats are Better than Boyfriends (with pictures)

If you enjoy what you see please FOLLOW MY BLOG! Then you will always know when a new post is up! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid and I post alerts on there. You can also use the SHARE buttons at the bottom of the post and share my blog with your family and friends! OH and  I have some questions for you as well:

1) What would you like to see in the future of how2cupid?
2) Any requests for upcoming posts?
3) What are you going to be for Halloween?
4) What kind of message on an online dating website do YOU hate?

Can’t wait to read your responses! Please comment below!

Thank you & Happy Soul Searching!
xoxo

Being Alive

When you have been single for an extended period of time you start to get used to it. You begin to accept your solo life and start to become selfish. Not a BAD version of selfish. When you have been on your own for so long, you start to think in terms of you, and don’t have to consider anyone else. Eventually, for most people, you will find someone that will want to be in your world, and you’ll want them to be in there too. This is when things can get a little weird…but a good weird! 🙂

One of my favorite musicals is called ‘Company’. And in Company, Robert, a mid-thirties bachelor, realizes that although he thought being alone was grand, he didn’t want that anymore. He performed a song called ‘Being Alive’. This song was the breaking point for this character, when he finally accepted that being alone and free could not possibly hold a candle to being with someone. If you have never watched Neil Patrick Harris belt out this song before, you can find it here on YouTube: Being Alive. I highly recommend it.

The song points out a lot of things that as a single person, you don’t have to deal with, but when you let someone in, you do. I know I preach a lot about how great single life is, but there comes a time when that journey needs to go in a different path…the path out of single-hood and into a relationship with another person.

It is an exciting moment when you meet someone and you think that they could be that person. Even if you don’t know them very well, or for very long, you start imagining what it would be like with this person. What it would be like to have someone who cares about you in that way. Instead of coming home to tell your cats about your day, there is this person who may not always care to hear about it, but they are still there to listen. To have that comfort that even in dark times…whether it be a death, injury, illness, or a bad day….that at least there is someone out there that cares about you in that way that no one else does.

No longer do you have to sit at the single’s table at events…no longer do you find yourself clinging to a baseball bat when you hear something strange outside at night…no longer do you have to answer that dreaded question on whether or not you’re dating anybody… The world completely changes, and in so many good ways.

THE WORST however…is when you meet someone and you start getting hopeful that they are the person that will finally turn everything around…and then they’re gone in the blink of an eye. You’re left shaken, because you started to strip down and become vulnerable to this person and then they wounded you…You find yourself trying to quickly bandage up the cuts…but only time can heal things like this…

It’s funny…no matter how long or short the time spent with someone is…it still hurts if they leave. It still makes you scared to put yourself out there again. Disappointment can be more painful and debilitating than having your heart broken. To get your hopes up and be so high and happy, and to have it torn away in an instant… it really hurts.

Hope is a powerful thing. You might not always know why something didn’t happen the way you thought it would, sometimes we don’t get answers. However, we all have been disappointed before, and we all have been able to build ourselves back up before the next blow. One of these times…you won’t have to rebuild….because one of these times….they won’t disappoint you.

I am a self-proclaimed serial dater, but I still have a heart and feelings too. Anytime I go on a new date with a new guy (remember I had over 30 of them this past summer…) I run the risk of being disappointed, being hurt, and being left. It never stops me though…because every time that something didn’t work out the way that I wanted it to, I would go back and listen to my favorite song, ‘Being Alive’. Because this song reminds me why it is worth all the pain in the end, it reminds me why I keep getting up to bat.

Don’t let the fear of failure and disappointment stop you from finding this person…I can promise you I won’t let it stop me.

Thanks for reading & Happy Soul Searching.
xoxo

 

Tough Love….Men & Messages….

I normally try to not repeat topics so that my material is always new and untouched. However there is a topic that I covered in an earlier post that I believe needs to be brought back up and thoroughly reexamined.

**THIS IS MY PERSPECTIVE ONLY AND DOES NOT NECESSARILY ENCOMPASS THAT OF EVERY WOMAN ON ONLINE DATING**

**Slightly explicit material near the end, reader discretion is advised.**

If I had a dime for every time a man wrote me a message to tell me how rude I am for not messaging him back (even if it is to just let him know that I am not interested)…I could quit my job. I have never noticed this habit as much on okcupid, however on POF this seems to be an hourly battle.

MEN OF THE ONLINE DATING WORLD…LISTEN UP!

Since my initial entry into POF, my daily message stream has calmed down considerably. However, that still leaves me with at least 50+ messages a day. I don’t check my messages the second they are received, I normally check them when I wake up, during lunch, and while i’m lounging around later. So when I do check my messages there are normally around 20 or so to go through at a time.

The men of the online dating world have expressed that they feel that if I am NOT interested, I should still send a response to let them know. In case you have never had a lot of messages in your POF inbox, let me tell you how this app works.

FIRST: I have to scroll down through all the messages in order to get to the first one I have not read. This can take a few flicks of my finger on the screen to get there.

SECOND: I open your message and read it, if your message hasn’t completely scared me off, I will view your profile.

THIRD: Upon viewing the profile I will decide whether or not I am interested. IF I am NOT interested, I will switch back to my inbox and move on to the next message.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE APP. If I were to do as all of you think I should, and respond to EVERY message that comes my way…after I type and send my message, the app takes me back to the top of my inbox. So then I have to go back to step one and work my way through the steps once again. If I DON’T message you back to tell you i’m not interested, then I can go to where I left off in my inbox instead and quickly get to the next message.

“Oh that’s just you being lazy, it wouldn’t take that much extra time to message a person back to let them know you’re not interested…”

I agree, that sounds like a pretty lame excuse to not send a letter of declination. HOWEVER the problem is  the person will RESPOND to my message, and 9 times out of 10 ask me WHY I’M NOT INTERESTED. This starts the never-ending loop. If I try to reply to 50 messages and tell them all i’m not interested…at least half of them will respond wanting to know why, and the other half will respond to thank me and move along. So now I have doubled my daily inbox intake to AT LEAST 100 messages a day. (AND THIS IS ONLY ONE OF THREE APPS I’M A MEMBER ON!)

The point is when a girl doesn’t message you back, go ahead and assume she is NOT interested. If she responds and doesn’t say ‘i’m not interested’ then that means SHE PROBABLY IS INTERESTED! 

I have had some people who have messaged me a few times…first the initial message, followed by a sad face or a ‘I guess you’re not interested…’, followed by a message calling me some kind of name (slut, bitch, whore, skank, jerk, etc) for not messaging them to tell them i’m not interested. There have been a few times that I decided to speak up and let the person know that i’m not interested and that it is nearly impossible for me to message EVERY ONE back to tell them that.

I won’t do that again…WHY? WHYYYYYY? Because every guy that I have EVER told “I am NOT interested in YOU“, has ALWAYS come back and attacked me about how I am such a superficial person for NOT being interested in them. They think that because they don’t have abs, perfect hair, great height…THAT is WHY I am NOT INTERESTED in them. Here are some excerpts from the message stream:

  • “Oh i’m sorry just because I don’t get drunk and hit girls I guess i’m not good enough”
  • “What do I have to do? Join a gym? Start binge drinking? Cheat on you? Is that what you want?”
  • “I’m a nice guy, it sucks you have to be such a superficial bitch or you would see that.”
  • “F**k you. You’re f**king ugly anyway and I was just going to f**k you and leave.”
  • “You’re a stuck up bitch and probably full of STDs anyway…”
  • “You will wish you would have gave me a chance when some guy leaves you bruised and bloody you stupid c*nt”

Yeah…this is what I get to read every single day. I didn’t even pick the bad ones, some people are REALLY messed up. It sucks because online dating is something that I think should be fun, and I feel bad that I have upset so many people, but i’m here to make ME happy…That’s the point of these sites. I don’t understand people who waste their time attacking someone through messages when they should be spending their time looking for the right girl (or boy).

I wish I had the time to message back every single person and give them some detailed account of WHY i’m not interested…but I have a life, a job, cats, family, friends, and so many other things going on that keep me from spending my day responding to messages. What kind of life would that be to have to spend it hurting people’s feelings and telling them WHY you’re not interested? A REALLY SHITTY AND SAD ONE! So I prefer to keep my positive vibes and only message those that I am honestly interested in.

I’m sorry if this was a little bit of tough love, but seriously suck it up. So many men on dating sites act like I OWE THEM something…I don’t owe you shit. If that makes me a superficial bitch, then I guess I am a superficial bitch. I’m going to instead focus on positive energy and the nice messages, and the messages from the guys I decide I am interested in…

How many girls out there have experienced something similar? This happens in real life too! I would love to hear your feedback.

MEN: Would you like to counter any of my points and reasonings? I would love to hear about it!

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THANK YOU FOR READING & HAPPY SOUL SEARCHING! xoxo