I normally try to not repeat topics so that my material is always new and untouched. However there is a topic that I covered in an earlier post that I believe needs to be brought back up and thoroughly reexamined.
**THIS IS MY PERSPECTIVE ONLY AND DOES NOT NECESSARILY ENCOMPASS THAT OF EVERY WOMAN ON ONLINE DATING**
**Slightly explicit material near the end, reader discretion is advised.**
If I had a dime for every time a man wrote me a message to tell me how rude I am for not messaging him back (even if it is to just let him know that I am not interested)…I could quit my job. I have never noticed this habit as much on okcupid, however on POF this seems to be an hourly battle.
MEN OF THE ONLINE DATING WORLD…LISTEN UP!
Since my initial entry into POF, my daily message stream has calmed down considerably. However, that still leaves me with at least 50+ messages a day. I don’t check my messages the second they are received, I normally check them when I wake up, during lunch, and while i’m lounging around later. So when I do check my messages there are normally around 20 or so to go through at a time.
The men of the online dating world have expressed that they feel that if I am NOT interested, I should still send a response to let them know. In case you have never had a lot of messages in your POF inbox, let me tell you how this app works.
FIRST: I have to scroll down through all the messages in order to get to the first one I have not read. This can take a few flicks of my finger on the screen to get there.
SECOND: I open your message and read it, if your message hasn’t completely scared me off, I will view your profile.
THIRD: Upon viewing the profile I will decide whether or not I am interested. IF I am NOT interested, I will switch back to my inbox and move on to the next message.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE APP. If I were to do as all of you think I should, and respond to EVERY message that comes my way…after I type and send my message, the app takes me back to the top of my inbox. So then I have to go back to step one and work my way through the steps once again. If I DON’T message you back to tell you i’m not interested, then I can go to where I left off in my inbox instead and quickly get to the next message.
“Oh that’s just you being lazy, it wouldn’t take that much extra time to message a person back to let them know you’re not interested…”
I agree, that sounds like a pretty lame excuse to not send a letter of declination. HOWEVER the problem is the person will RESPOND to my message, and 9 times out of 10 ask me WHY I’M NOT INTERESTED. This starts the never-ending loop. If I try to reply to 50 messages and tell them all i’m not interested…at least half of them will respond wanting to know why, and the other half will respond to thank me and move along. So now I have doubled my daily inbox intake to AT LEAST 100 messages a day. (AND THIS IS ONLY ONE OF THREE APPS I’M A MEMBER ON!)
The point is when a girl doesn’t message you back, go ahead and assume she is NOT interested. If she responds and doesn’t say ‘i’m not interested’ then that means SHE PROBABLY IS INTERESTED!
I have had some people who have messaged me a few times…first the initial message, followed by a sad face or a ‘I guess you’re not interested…’, followed by a message calling me some kind of name (slut, bitch, whore, skank, jerk, etc) for not messaging them to tell them i’m not interested. There have been a few times that I decided to speak up and let the person know that i’m not interested and that it is nearly impossible for me to message EVERY ONE back to tell them that.
I won’t do that again…WHY? WHYYYYYY? Because every guy that I have EVER told “I am NOT interested in YOU“, has ALWAYS come back and attacked me about how I am such a superficial person for NOT being interested in them. They think that because they don’t have abs, perfect hair, great height…THAT is WHY I am NOT INTERESTED in them. Here are some excerpts from the message stream:
- “Oh i’m sorry just because I don’t get drunk and hit girls I guess i’m not good enough”
- “What do I have to do? Join a gym? Start binge drinking? Cheat on you? Is that what you want?”
- “I’m a nice guy, it sucks you have to be such a superficial bitch or you would see that.”
- “F**k you. You’re f**king ugly anyway and I was just going to f**k you and leave.”
- “You’re a stuck up bitch and probably full of STDs anyway…”
- “You will wish you would have gave me a chance when some guy leaves you bruised and bloody you stupid c*nt”
Yeah…this is what I get to read every single day. I didn’t even pick the bad ones, some people are REALLY messed up. It sucks because online dating is something that I think should be fun, and I feel bad that I have upset so many people, but i’m here to make ME happy…That’s the point of these sites. I don’t understand people who waste their time attacking someone through messages when they should be spending their time looking for the right girl (or boy).
I wish I had the time to message back every single person and give them some detailed account of WHY i’m not interested…but I have a life, a job, cats, family, friends, and so many other things going on that keep me from spending my day responding to messages. What kind of life would that be to have to spend it hurting people’s feelings and telling them WHY you’re not interested? A REALLY SHITTY AND SAD ONE! So I prefer to keep my positive vibes and only message those that I am honestly interested in.
I’m sorry if this was a little bit of tough love, but seriously suck it up. So many men on dating sites act like I OWE THEM something…I don’t owe you shit. If that makes me a superficial bitch, then I guess I am a superficial bitch. I’m going to instead focus on positive energy and the nice messages, and the messages from the guys I decide I am interested in…
How many girls out there have experienced something similar? This happens in real life too! I would love to hear your feedback.
MEN: Would you like to counter any of my points and reasonings? I would love to hear about it!
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THANK YOU FOR READING & HAPPY SOUL SEARCHING! xoxo