Tag Archives: tinder

Why A Girl DOES NOT Message You Back!

I have had numerous men message me on a daily basis asking WHY they never get messages back from girls. It is hard to really give an overall reason for this, because I believe it is highly situational. The ‘lack of response’ really depends on two things…you and the person you are messaging. I have tried to come up with a list of the top reasons WHY you are not getting a response from the wonderful ladies of the online dating world. This is not complete, and it may not actually apply to you at all, but what the hell i’m going to do it anyway! 🙂

She’s Just Not Into You…

This is the most likely reason WHY you are not receiving a response from a girl. If a girl decides from your message/profile that she does not see a connection, she isn’t going to try to make one happen. This brings me back to my car buying analogy…WHO goes into a car dealership and test drives a car that they don’t like…and then sits in the car trying to justify ways in which they could ‘get used to’ this car…while being surrounded by dozens of other cars that they like better? NO ONE! Unless you don’t have the money for the other cars…then you end up settling with the car you don’t like as much and eventually this car will break down.

NEWS FLASH! If we are interested in a guy, we MESSAGE THEM BACK! We might count the minutes between messages to ensure we don’t seem overly ‘clingy’, but we will definitely message you if we like you.

“What You’re Looking For…”

When I first joined online dating I knew that my overall goal was to find a man to be in a relationship with, and possibly one day marry. That is why on my profile in the ‘looking for’ section, I clearly state what I want. If I received a message from a guy who just has ‘casual sex’ selected, I will not be as inclined to respond because it doesn’t look like we are looking for the same thing.

I think we all have been in that situation at least once where we REALLY wanted a relationship with someone, and they inform you that they do not want a relationship…not just WITH YOU…but in ANYONE. There are plenty of people that are just looking for some version of companionship without the strings attached. So I see it as a red flag when you aren’t looking for what I want, because I don’t want to waste my time trying to make something happen that in the end YOU don’t want to happen.

So if you really are just looking for casual sex, but no one is responding, change what you’re ‘looking for’ to a relationship or marriage, and you might have better luck. But you SHOULDN’T do that because that would be LYING and that is a total DICK move.

Your Message…

I almost want to throw my cellphone through a window sometimes. I will find a man that has a pretty good profile, and all the stars are lining up…but then he messages me. This is why I urge you to be careful and cautious in that first message. You can ruin EVERYTHING in that message. It is almost shocking the number of very well put together men will start off by saying something like “I bet you taste amazing.” or “I am very well endowed. Text me I will send a pic.” or “Damn baby girl…”

Okay…sexual comments should be avoided in the initial message…unless the girls profile clearly states that is precisely what she is looking for. Contrary to popular belief, the size of your penis does not make me tremble and wish I could experience it. If I want to look at big dicks I can watch porn. I am on an online dating website to find a relationship, not to look at big dicks. As for the last example…I just hate when someone starts off with pet names…you can call me baby but I would prefer us to be dating or fornicating when you do. Keep it clean, keep it classy…you don’t want to risk offending someone.

You Have No Photos…

I’m sorry…it is 2014 and almost everyone has access to a smart phone with a camera, a regular camera, a computer with a built in camera, or friends with one of these items. There is NO excuse to not have a picture on your profile. Now I understand that some people don’t want to post pictures because they are afraid that people they know will see them and judge them for being on online dating…well….that person would have to be on online dating as well in order to see you… Chances are they could care less about you being on there too.

I have stumbled across a lot of friends that I know in real life, on online dating. Normally they either don’t say a word, or send a friendly message wishing me luck in my search. It really isn’t the nightmare you are imagining it to be.

I have also heard people tell me that they don’t post pictures because of their job or career. I say: treat your online dating profile like your Facebook. Don’t put things on there that you wouldn’t want your potential or current employer to see.

Regardless, there are just some situations where you are not comfortable posting pictures, and that’s fine. However, if you don’t have pictures on your profile, then don’t be surprised when you don’t get a lot of responses to your messages. I see a lack-of-photo as a red flag, and I typically do not even bother with these profiles…I am sure your charming personality is to die for, but I don’t invest in ‘sight unseen’ profiles.

Other Reasons:

  • She didn’t have time to respond when she read your message.
  • She got distracted and forgot about your message.
  • She is dating someone.
  • She dropped her phone in the toilet.
  • Her cats stole her phone and buried it in the litter box.
  • Her phone was in her purse that was stolen.
  • She forgot her POF/OKCUPID/ETC password.
  • She lost her fingers in a lawnmower accident.
  • She left her phone charger at work.
  • She is busy messaging other dudes.
  • She is on a date and can’t message you right now.
  • She broke her glasses and can’t read your message.
  • She was kidnapped by a tinder-guy and the tinder-guy has her phone…and guess what? He doesn’t want to respond to your message.
  • She accidentally hit delete on your message and it is lost forever.
  • She spilled wine on her phone and it won’t turn on now.
  • Your message made her ‘weak at the knees’ and she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her phone.

Like I said…THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT REASONS WHY A GIRL DOESN’T MESSAGE YOU BACK. But ultimately at the end of the day, the most common reason is she is just NOT interested in you. It sucks…but you have no choice but to accept it and move on. She clearly is NOT the RIGHT girl for you. You will know when it is the RIGHT girl because this girl WILL BE MESSAGING YOU. It took me five years on/off of online dating to finally meet someone that I wanted to be with, don’t be shocked when after a month of failed attempts you are STILL TRYING. The juice is worth the squeeze my friends!

Thank you for taking the time to read! Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and want to read more! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for notifications when a new post is published! Please e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com if you have any private questions or comments you would like to make! Good luck and happy soul searching! xoxo


Online Dating… SUCCESS?!

After spending time in the online dating world, you will hopefully find success and a person that you honestly feel a connection with. I am talking about after the messaging, the number exchange, the first date, and now you have found yourself genuinely interested in this person and eager for more.  Although online dating can be exhausting, I think that this is the most difficult part and for many reasons.

In my eyes, a new ‘relationship’ is very similar to buying a new car. After searching for so long, you finally find a car that you want to commit to and bring home with you. This car you plan on driving daily, and spending a lot of time with. It is a great feeling when you finally make the decision to buy this car, that is…until you pull out of the dealership.

You start to drive this car, and begin to feel fear…fear that something might happen to it…fear that either yourself or another, will cause this car to crash and possibly total it. It is amazing how much insecurity we have, that we don’t even realize exists, until we find something that we are so afraid to lose. You find yourself being overly safe and cautious, even when doing the simplest of tasks. A drive to the grocery store is now laced with anxiety that a stray shopping cart will come rolling across the parking lot and right into your brand new car.

When I decide I really like someone, I strive for perfection. I reread a text a zillion times before sending it, when just a few weeks ago I wouldn’t have even considered a possible fault in it. I start reading into everything and overanalyzing the simplest of things. I find myself growing with concern more quickly, and jumping to conclusions in an instant.

I don’t know where this comes from… I don’t know if everyone feels the way I feel in this situation… Is it past experience? Or am I just a more anxious person? Is it a lack of confidence? Theories can be discussed as to ‘why’ but even if I knew, I couldn’t change it.

The part that really sucks about this, is by being insecure and over-analytic you can actually be more harmful than if you could just let go and not think about it. You can end up being obnoxious or annoying…you can end up being that person constantly seeking reconfirmation that everything is OKAY and this person STILL LIKES YOU.

When you find someone that you feel is ‘too good to be true’ it is so hard to not ask for someone to pinch you occasionally to confirm that you are NOT dreaming. So where does this all come from? Why on a dating advice blog am I writing about relationships? Well that’s because recently I agreed to be in one. I mentioned in a past post about a guy I had met through online dating that I really enjoyed, and we have continued to see one another. It’s almost humorous how I am so well versed in casual dating, yet I am a complete mess when it comes to a relationship of my own.

I start to think back to that old phrase… “those who can’t do, teach” …how much truth exists in that statement? Is it possible that I can sit here and give great advice to family, friends, and complete strangers about relationships…yet I can’t follow my own advice? I swear the past few days I feel like Alice from Alice in Wonderland…toting around good advice, yet I can’t seem to follow any of it myself.

Don’t get me wrong…things are going really well with this new man in my life. I just find myself worrying that I am going to mess something up. I worry I am going to take my new car and accidentally smash it into a guard rail because I let my guard down for an instant. So I have two pieces of advice to offer up this evening:

  1. If you decide to try online dating in pursuit of a relationship, make sure that is exactly what you want. Don’t lead someone on if you don’t honestly think you want to take that step with this person. Be CLEAR about your intentions.
  2. If you are like me…make sure you find someone, like I did, that you care so much about already, that you don’t let your insecurities make you run scared.

Fear not readers…although I will be experimenting more in the relationship world, I still have plenty of casual dating advice to offer. I might occasionally mix the two in the event that I find a link somewhere that I think could be helpful for you to read. I hope, if anything, this news will give you hope. Hope that it IS possible to find a great match through an online dating website. Hope that not every girl on online dating is a slut and all the men players. It is through effort and honesty that we all can find someone to love.

Thank you for reading! Please follow my blog if you like what you have read! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for updates when new posts are up! Please e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com if you have any questions or need personal advice!

Question for the Day: Do you have an online dating success story? Please post in the comments below and tell me about it!!!

Thank you and Happy Soul Searching! xoxo

PS. I saw a BuzzFeed post about an Instagram account where a girl posts some cruel messages she has experienced from men in online dating and other platforms. I would recommend taking a look at her Instagram @byefelipe — I thought it was sad..but entertaining none the less.

Asking a girl out IRL…

I had a reader send me an e-mail recently about a situation he has found himself in. There is a girl that works at a local establishment that he visits. He is attracted to this girl, and thinks that it may be mutual, and would like to know if he should ask her out.

The answer is…YES!

Any opportunity where you don’t ask a girl out is an automatic failure. That is why I have never hesitated in my life to give my phone number to a complete stranger. The worst thing that can happen is NOTHING. You never hear from them again! Then at least you can rest easy knowing that you tried, and you never have to sit up at night wondering ‘what if’.

There are some major things to consider when you are contemplating asking a girl out in her place of work. This procedure needs to be accomplished with more grace and caution than an online girl, or some girl at a bar. Depending on the nature of her job, she could be surrounded by coworkers and other customers at the time you make this attempt. This is why you have to make sure to do it in the right way.


Chances are this person may not always be the one taking care of you when you visit the establishment. For example: If this girl is a waitress, you might not be seated in her area every time you come in to dine. DON’T request to be put in her area, or offer up your spot in line in order to have her waiting on you. Co-workers TALK, and this seemingly safe maneuver can result in her thinking you are being creepy. That being said, just because she isn’t the one that takes care of you, doesn’t mean you can’t ask her out. Don’t try to set up the Hollywood romance scene that you have been day dreaming about. She isn’t going to throw her notebook to the ground and undo her hair and take you on a table…IF THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE — PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT IT! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT.


It may be tempting to begin the conversation with a simple compliment to engage her… I actually had a pretty intense debate with a male and female friend of mine the other night. The male believed the compliment was necessary in order to set the tone. However, the two of us girls agreed we would much rather NOT be complimented at this time. There are a few reasons why the compliment is NOT a good idea…

  1. The compliment can draw attention to the situation. As I mentioned, there is a good chance coworkers and other customers will be in ear shot of this conversation. I might not care to eavesdrop on another transactional conversation between my coworker and a customer, but the second I hear something a little less transactional…my ears perk up. You DON’T want to DRAW ATTENTION to this conversation! It can embarrass her and do the exact opposite of what you intended with the compliment.
  2. The compliment defines the intentions. Girls are very analytical when it comes to the opposite sex. We will spend hours tearing apart a single sentence to find some underlying meaning to it. If you compliment her, she will likely assume you are wanting to date her, or have sex with her. This puts the pressure on, and can make her shy away from texting or calling you.
  3. We are girls…we get compliments ALL the time. Your lack of compliment can actually separate you from the pack and make you seem mysterious and more intriguing to the girl.
  4. We don’t need a compliment to make us smile, your phone number is PLENTY.

Once you have successfully given her your number and received your first text from her, that is when you can open up a little bit more. I am not saying to never compliment the girl, but I think at least in the initial swap it should be avoided.


It is extremely important to keep this interaction very short and to the point. This benefits you in a few ways…

  1. You leave her wondering. If you don’t say a lot and just offer up your phone number and leave, she is going to spend the rest of her shift thinking about you. She will probably spend the better part of an hour staring at the slip of paper you wrote your number on…just wondering…
  2. The short interaction leaves less time for anyone to notice it is happening. This means she won’t feel embarrassed or be hounded by her coworkers who will offer to help her tear apart the situation. She can instead feel good about herself and go on with her normal workday.
  3. You won’t be seen as an inconvenience to her when she is trying to perform her job. For example: If she is a Barista, she likely has a zillion things to do and can’t spend a lot of time talking to you. She will APPRECIATE your thoughtfulness in being quick and to the point.


Do not ASK her a question. Do not say “Would you like to go out sometime?” or “Can I give you my phone number?” This opens up the opportunity for her to make a quick assessment and say NO. You stand a much better chance with this girl if you put the ball in her court with time still on the clock. Simply say something along the lines of…”Hey I would be interested in getting to know more about you, here’s my phone number, text me if you are interested.” It is THAT SIMPLE. Then WALK away. When you walk away, don’t just storm out like a coward. Walk casually off to the exit, and make sure to turn back and look at her. Don’t look at her like a CREEP, but just a soft gentle glance, and then keep on walking.

The reason I suggest the look back, is because it shows CONFIDENCE. You are not afraid to give this girl your number, and you’re NOT afraid to look her in the eye. Do not ruin a perfect setup by putting your tail between your legs and stumbling off like Napoleon Dynamite in a head first run. The look back also gives you the opportunity to see her true reaction…is she smiling? Is she tossing your number in the trash? Is she gushing about you to a coworker? You might catch a peek of that as you turn to look which can help you determine your chance of success.


After this interaction occurs, unfortunately you might not hear from her or you might get a text that says she isn’t interested in hanging out. The important thing is to just ACCEPT the fact that she isn’t interested. Do NOT bring it up to her again. This is a risky deal because chances are you frequent this establishment. It could be a restaurant, bank, grocery store, and anywhere really. You don’t want to make it awkward for her or yourself when you have to visit again.

The most important lesson that I hope you take away from this is DON’T be afraid to take a chance. You might not get the response you want, but it is a hell of a lot better than never knowing. The majority of the relationships that I have been in started from someone taking a chance. The worst thing that can happen is they say NO, but you’ll never know until you try.

Have you ever taken a chance and asked out a person at their place of work? How did it go? Ladies! Weigh in! How do you feel about being complimented at your place of work by a customer?  Please comment below with your thoughts and opinions! I look forward to reading them!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read! I hope you all had a safe and happy Halloween! We did a Rock & Roll themed Halloween at my work:

Rock&Roll Jenn

Rock&Roll Jenn

What did you dress up as for Halloween? Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and would like to read more! You can also follow me on Twitter @how2cupid for updates! If you have any comments or questions that you would like to share privately, you can e-mail me @ how2cupid@gmail.com. Thanks for reading and happy soul searching! xoxo


I have been perusing the messages and eligible bachelors of okcupid, POF, and Tinder over the course of the past few months. As I have previously mentioned, this summer I went on over thirty FIRST dates from the online dating world. I emphasize the word FIRST because that is all that ever came of these dates. After spending time messaging back and forth with these individuals, I eventually agreed to go on a date, and then the date ended and so did our communication. A week and a half ago, I finally broke my first date curse and found a man that I definitely wanted to see for a second time. Why did this guy make it to round two, when over thirty other men didn’t, and hundreds didn’t even get the chance to try? Well…let me break it down for you…

I spend a lot of time criticizing and offering up suggestions for improvements on online dating profiles. The point of having a great profile is to successfully get to that first date. This is your sales pitch (contrary to match.com’s commercial claims). This is your chance to catch the eye, and then the mind of an individual that could possibly be a match for you. If you don’t have a profile that can grab the attention of viewers, then you’re going to find yourself having a hard time landing dates.

I have mentioned repeatedly the importance of honesty when you’re making your profile. This is a sales pitch, but you don’t want to give false advertising just to get a date. The reason why, is because when this girl meets you for the first time, you can’t hide behind your profile and lies anymore. You don’t want a girl’s first impression of you to be filled with disappointment. It is hard enough trying to imagine a person that you’ve never met, based on pictures and descriptions alone. Obviously when we start to imagine you, we imagine you in the most ideal of form. When I say FORM I don’t mean chiseled abs and defined arms, I mean FORM as in the model of yourself that you’ve described.

The number one reason why all of my FIRST dates never grew into anything more than that, is because of false advertising. It is because I couldn’t get over things that people lied about in order to catch my eye. I have spelled all of these out before…the short TALL guy, the quiet OUTGOING guy, the HEAVY fit guy… Could I get over some of these infractions? Yeah I probably could, but being lied to hurts so it makes it kind of hard to do that.

I like to think about online dating as something very similar to job hunting. You look through all the listings and try to find ones that you feel you would be interested in doing, or qualified to do (scanning dating profiles). After you make your choices, you reach out to the company and apply for the job and submit you resume (message girls). If the company sees your resume and thinks that you would be a good fit for the job, then they will call you in for an interview (girl messages you back). Then you go in for the interview and tell them why you would make a good fit for the company (messaging back and forth with girl). If the company decides that they want to extend an offer, then you have a job (congrats you got a date).

HERE is the part where if you LIED in your resume or in your interview, the company is going to find out. If you claim to know how to program in Java, then on your first day you’re given a task in Java and you can’t code it, then they’re going to know you lied. This will likely result in your employment being terminated because YOU SHOULDN’T LIE ON A RESUME! This is very similar to when you go on that first date… you can’t hide anymore. It is no longer about a sales pitch, or how good at interviews you may be… this is real. This is why so many men can’t get past the first date.

The point is…be real and be true…there is NO POINT in lying because if you plan on seeing this through, eventually it is going to come out in the open. So why did this guy make it to date number two when so many others failed? Because he was exactly who he said he was, which was exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t feel disappointment, instead I felt excited, and anxious to see this person again. Don’t leave your dates feeling like they were fooled…make them feel like they just won the online dating lottery by being with you!

Thank you for reading! What is the biggest thing that you have been lied to about through online dating? Have you ever lied and someone was able to see past it? I would love to hear your feedback and comments! Please follow my blog if you enjoyed what you read and would like to read more! You can also follow me on twitter @how2cupid for updates on when new posts are up! If you have a suggestion or a comment you would prefer private, please feel free to e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com.

Thanks again and Happy Soul Searching! xoxo

The Disappearing Act…

A reader e-mailed me with a problem that they have faced in online dating.

“On those rare occasions when I get responses to the numerous e-mails I send out and good conversation occurs, going back and forth for a day, a week, maybe two weeks and then sudden and absolute silence from the female occurs, what just happened?”

I can’t speak for every girl in the online dating world, but I can at least give you a few ideas as to why the disappearing act happened. I know how disappointing it can be to feel a connection growing with someone, and then they disappear in the blink of an eye. You’re left with no answer as to why, and can only wonder what happened. I have three theories as to why a girl disappears in the midst of a good messaging string.

Too Late…

Most women that I know are at least talking consistently with 2-3 different guys at a time. These 2-3 men have surpassed the initial inspection and are onto the next step in this process. Out of the 2-3 guys, one of them is going to either stand out, or ask for her number first. I know a lot of guys are not sure WHEN the best time to ask for her phone number is, but I would say that after a week it would be acceptable. I normally will swap phone numbers after just a day or two, just because it is easier to text than it is to message through the apps.

When a girl gets a phone number from a guy, she tends to ease off of the dating website, and starts spending more of her time texting with this guy. This man has made it to step 3 in the process and is on his way to getting a date. Because this girl is now spending more of her time texting this guy, she somewhat, if not entirely drops off of the online dating world. This means that the other 1-2 guys that she was messaging with are no longer in her focus. She will likely reappear if the first date doesn’t go well with the texting guy, but if she never does…then i’m sorry to say she’s likely off the market.

Outside World…

Very similar to the above scenario, the outside world can cause the disappearing act too. We live in the day and age of NOW. We want things NOW! Patience is a virtue that we almost don’t have to have anymore because everything is so instant. Although she has enjoyed conversing with you on the dating website, an attractive man at the grocery store could cut off that communication stream in an instant. When we meet men in real life, there is no week long messaging that results in a phone number and date. Instead we immediately jump to phone number, and the first date could be the next day. It is much more instant, and therefore more desirable in our mind.

If she meets someone in real life, she might not log onto the dating websites ever again. It sucks when you have put in so much effort through a weeks worth of messaging, but ready rice is a lot more tempting than having to boil and strain out regular rice. If this new prospect ends up not being a match, then she might resurface eventually, and likely will tell you she’s been busy at work.

Transaction vs Connection…

I have found many times I will be messaging with a guy and out of nowhere it starts to feel like work. There is a fine line between a TRANSACTION and a CONNECTION. If I find myself searching for things to talk about in order to keep the conversation going, it feels more like a transaction to me. A connection is where you find yourself having so much to talk about, that there are not enough hours in the day to go through all of it. It takes little to no effort to message back and forth with this person because you have a great CONNECTION.

When I start to feel like I am having to try TOO hard in order to maintain a conversation, I get disinterested very quickly. Normally when I start to feel the disinterest, I will just message the guy and let him know that I don’t see a connection. However, some men can be pretty needy and want to know what’s wrong, what they could do differently, etc etc. Because there is always the possibility of having to spend extra time explaining your feelings, this can be a less appealing thing to do. That is why I think a lot of girls tend to just stop messaging altogether, and hope that you’ll take the hint.

I have had a lot of guys ask me WHY I don’t see a connection, and ask WHAT they can do to change. Finding out why I don’t see a connection, isn’t going to help you connect with someone else. Just because you’re not MY type, doesn’t mean that you’re NOT someone else’s TYPE. That’s why I think a lot of girls try to avoid being asked these questions. We don’t want to be responsible for someone trying to change who they are as a person. That is why I tread very lightly when I offer up one-on-one advice to guys.

For example: If you are very outdoorsy, then I won’t feel a connection with you. I HATE the outdoors. Unless I am on a beach with a cocktail, I would much rather stay inside. I agree that opposites attract, but there is no way in hell I am sleeping in a tent. I don’t want you to stop doing things that you love, just because I don’t love those things and I most likely NEVER WILL. Relationships are about compromise, but I think that there is a certain level of compromise that should be off limits.

Another example: I typically will not talk to guys that are into running marathons, and similar running activities. When I was a teenager, I broke both sides of my ankle on a trampoline. Fortunately they were able to reattach the bone by screwing them together, and I was able to walk again. HOWEVER I am not able to run anymore. I could run, if I was being chased by something or someone, but I wouldn’t be able to walk the next day. I will never be able to run with you, or participate in marathons, because I am physically incapable. So when your profile says you would love a girl who can go running with you, I already know that we wouldn’t work out because of this. I could follow you in my car, but I think that takes away some of the magic of ‘running together’.

In conclusion, I can’t necessarily give you an EXACT reason WHY a girl disappears, but I wouldn’t rule out any of my theories. That is why I would suggest to not wait more than a WEEK before giving her your phone number. You don’t need to spend weeks and months messaging each other before taking that step, and if the messaging has been consistent and equal, then she will likely be glad you made the move. It doesn’t hurt to at least throw your phone number out there, and give her the option.

“Hey, I definitely will keep talking to you on here if you would prefer…but I wanted you to have my phone number if you decide you would rather text me. (###)###-####. :)”

TADA!!! Now she has your phone number and the ball is in her court, and I think you would be surprised at how quickly she will text you. If she doesn’t text you, then she’s possibly timid, or she might not be THAT interested. There are TWO very important things to remember depending on the result of this message:

She Doesn’t Text: KEEP TALKING TO HER! Act as though the phone number suggestion never happened, and continue the messaging stream through the dating website like normal. Don’t make her feel pressured to switch to texting, and show her that you don’t care HOW you two talk, just as long as you’re talking.

SHE TEXTS!!!: Although text messaging is a new platform for your communication, it is important to keep it similar to the last one. Think about when you get a new pet…if you plan on feeding it a different food than what it used to eat, you have to ween the pet with the new food slowly. The same applies in this situation. You want to keep the messaging similar to what it was through the app, but throw in some surprises occasionally. Pictures are a great tool to use! Send her pictures occasionally of either yourself, a pet, food, or anything you think she might enjoy seeing. The pictures make her view you as more than just a random guy on a dating site, she starts to think of you as a real person.

Thank you for reading and also thank you to the reader that suggested this topic!!! I hope that I was able to shed a little light on why girls have disappeared on you in the past. Have I missed any possible reasons why a girl (or guy) stops messaging? Is there something that has caused you to cut off communication with someone? I would love to hear about! Please follow my blog if you would like to read more and so I know you’re out there! Please feel free to suggest topics for future posts by either commenting below, tweeting me @how2cupid, or e-mailing me directly at how2cupid@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you! Good luck & happy soul searching!!! xoxo

Upcoming Posts!!!

Hello everyone!!!! I would love to hear some of your requests for future topics to cover!!! Please comment below, tweet me @how2cupid, or e-mail me at how2cupid@gmail.com with your ideas!!!

If you’re also a blogger and your idea is chosen, I will include a link to your blog in the post!!!!

I look forward to hearing your suggestions and writing up new material for you!!!!!! Thanks for reading and happy soul searching! xoxo


Worst Things You Can Say in a Message…

I know I spend a lot of time detailing some of the most horrific message fails in the online dating world. But there are some messages that appear harmless on the surface, yet very often will result in no response from a girl. So for this Friday night, I bring you…the WORST THINGS YOU CAN SAY IN A MESSAGE….!! ***scary music playing with a clap of thunder***

Detailed Biography…

I am not saying that a lengthy message is necessarily a bad thing to send, but the content is extremely important. If you’re planning on sending a message that is more than a few sentences, make sure your content is actually interesting. As an example, here is a detailed biography message I received:

“Hello Jenn. My name is Eric. I am 25 years old and I live in Dayton. I like sports and my family. I am an accountant. I like the bengals. I love to workout…………..(message continues with very similar sentences for quite some time…)…If you want to hang out I promise I will show you a good time! Message me if you’re interested!”

Well…Eric…although I definitely see some things that we might have in common…I also am bored to tears. The genericness of the biography is what kills it. In addition, you don’t need to state your name, age, and location in your opening message. This information is already there… Try to show me that you read my profile, talk about the interests that we have in common, and tell me why. A message with that amount of thought put into it is going to mean more to me, and i’m more likely to respond to it.


If you want to try to message a girl with something that is simple and sweet, you need to make sure that it is grammatically correct. One of the most common messages I receive is along the lines of “You’re Beautiful” “You’re Gorgeous” “You’re sexy” … Only they don’t look that enticing because they normally look more like this… “Your beutiful” “Your gorgous” “Your sexy” … I am not a complete grammar nazi, but I feel like if you’re sending me a message, you would want it to be perfect. So when I see things like that, I picture you sending off a thousand incorrect “Your beutiful” to all the women on the site. It definitely makes me feel a little less ‘beutiful’…

Asking me questions I already answered…

Nothing is more frustrating than receiving a message asking questions that are clearly answered in my profile. I am shocked at the number of times I get “What’s your name?” … my username is wishfuljenn … really? And on POF they have a little spot where you put your first name on your profile… So when I get a message asking me what my name is, I am wondering if this person also needs to be reminded to breath?!

I know that my profile can be daunting to some, but at the very least look it over and make sure that I haven’t already answered the question that you’re about to send me. You will find that more girls will message you back if you SHOW THEM you took the time to LEARN about them!


Any message with any type of profanity, or of a sexual nature should be avoided at all times. When you message a girl and talk about her sexually, clearly you’re showing her that you’re only interested in one thing (even if that is not your intention). If a girls profile is all about how much she just wants to settle down, then chances are she isn’t going to be interested in someone who clearly only wants to stick it to her!

I mention profanity a lot, and based on my blog posts you might wonder why the hell I care about profanity? I curse like a sailor, but if I was trying to meet the love of my life, I certainly wouldn’t start it off with a few bombs. I just think it is common courtesy and respect to at least wait and see where her comfort level is with language like that, before you start using it.

Don’t Be Shy…

I HATE THIS MESSAGE SO F*CKING MUCH! I swear I think this is the WORST message you can EVER send to a girl…or at least to me. When I get a message that either includes or completely consists of these three words … “Don’t be shy…” I swear my stomach hurts. When I hear those words, I imagine some creepy old man standing next to a beat up van, mouthing these words while curling his finger begging me to get in…

This is the kind of phrase that I hear from roofers, guys driving by while i’m walking, guys driving by while i’m unloading groceries, guys driving by at ANY F*CKING TIME. I HATE THIS PHRASE. PLEASEEEEEE DO NOT USE THIS PHRASE. If you use this phrase I can guarantee you will NEVER hear from me. This phrase sucks balls. I would rather you tell me you want to slather my body in chocolate syrup and throw a bunch of sprinkles on me, than to hear this stupid phrase. You’ve been warned…

In Conclusion…

At the end of the day, I can’t tell you the perfect message to send to get a response. I can only tell you about the kind of messages that I don’t like, and the kind that I do like. Just because I hate some of these things, doesn’t mean every girl also hates them. If you find yourself sending messages like this, and you’re not getting many responses (or any), it might be a good idea to try to change it up a little bit. The most important thing is just to READ and LEARN about the girl before you send the message. You can probably tell from her profile whether or not she would appreciate any of the messages I listed above. Like I said, this is just me, but there might be a lot of other girls out there who think very similar to me. If you find yourself out of luck, CHANGE IT UP.

Thank you so much for reading! I promise to have another new post up by tomorrow! In the meantime please feel free to check out some of my older posts. Here are links to some of the popular oldies:

The Morning After

Awkward Moments for the Eternally Single

Reasons Why Cats are Better than Boyfriends (with pictures)

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1) What would you like to see in the future of how2cupid?
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4) What kind of message on an online dating website do YOU hate?

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Thank you & Happy Soul Searching!